Home for Horny Monsters

Hi, all!

Summer is off to a great start with pollen punching me straight in the sinuses. Ugh.

New reader, hello and welcome! This story has been on Lit for almost nine years as of right now and has 4 spinoff novels. That's right, FOUR. This is book NINE. I can't take off my shoes to count right now, but that's over ten books of content, so you should pop on back to Ch. 001 to see what the fuss is about.

Returning reader, welcome back, I missed you! We're in summer, which means watching the crotch spawn and making sure they don't burn down my house or get raised by fucking Youtube of all places (that's all they would watch if I let them). Thanks again for always coming by to see what's new with the Radley house, along with remembering to vote (more than half of you still don't) and leaving comments, sending emails, etc. Your continued enthusiasm for an IP that has persisted for nearly a decade is part of what keeps me going, and I couldn't do this without you.

If you have extra free time this summer, make sure to get out and spend time with people you love. This includes yourself! Sometimes, a little peace and quiet allows your brain and body to reconnect and persist in ways you have forgotten. It's sort of like yoga, but it hurts way less (my poor hamstrings, y'all, I almost cried)

Also, a special note. I swear, I do fucking sweeps every few months for Lit Feedback, and keep finding unread emails from years ago, I'm so sorry if I never replied! I have filters, but my email keeps sending shit to random folders, it's like I'm a fucking

Jinx

After breakfast, Mike informed Callisto that his mother wished to speak with him in the village. The boy let out a long, loud sigh, then looked at Lily, who was sitting next to him.

"I've got twenty dollars if you'll turn into me and go get chewed out by my mom," he said.

Lily smiled at Callisto, then looked past him at Grace, who was sneaking something from under the table.

"What do you think, little legs?"

Grace jammed the crayon in her mouth, then looked at her brother for a moment. She opened her mouth to say something, then seemed to remember that Mike was sitting right across from them. She shook her head, but didn't say a word.

"Looks like you're on your own." Lily ruffled Callisto's hair. "But maybe you should go in human form. There will be far less of your ass for her to chew."

"Traitors, all of you," Callisto grabbed a piece of bacon from his plate and scurried toward the backdoor. "Pray for me."

"Hey!" Lily threw a roll at Callisto, which bounced off his back and fell to the floor. Grace hopped off her chair to retrieve the roll and handed it to Lily.

"Bad," she said, her teeth covered in green wax.

"Where the heck does she keep finding crayons?" Mike asked.

Death, who sat at one end of the massive table, coughed into his tea, then brushed the liquid off of his robes. "If you'll excuse me, I just realized I forgot to do something." The Grim Reaper fled the breakfast scene at a stiff pace.

Tink, who was currently breastfeeding Matilda next to Mike, cackled. "Boney man gets to clean webs this week," she told her child. "Give Tink extra time for play!"

"You'd have more time if you'd stop messing with castle rooms," Kisa muttered, a cup of coffee clutched in her hands. "The house has never been in better shape."

"Thus, guaranteeing someone will blow it up next week." Yuki was at the other end of the table with a book in her hands. "I've actually had time to complete some of the upper arcana, which means I might be playing with a full deck again soon."

The kitsune's magic was powerful, but her painted tarot cards were imbued with her concentrated power. As a result of months or sometimes even years of work, she had grown two additional tails since last assembling a full deck of cards, which meant the process was somewhat faster now.

"Are you just going to let that go?" Lily asked. She looked down at the roll that Grace had retrieved, then turned her attention to the dark-haired beauty sitting next to her. The woman had several empty plates stacked in front of her. "Here. You look like you need this."

Tasia snatched the roll from Lily and glared at her. "Oh, so since it was on the floor, the dog girl will eat it."

"I walked in on that thing Dana and you were doing last week," Lily countered. "A piece of bread that fell on the floor is definitely not the least sanitary--"

Tasia snatched up the roll and jammed it into Lily's mouth. "On that note, I'll see you all later. Off to visit the in-laws." She picked up her plates and headed for the kitchen.

Mike's interactions with Tasia had been fairly limited since allowing her to move in, but his kids adored her. The first time he had met her, his magic had informed him that she was a good fit for the house. Dana had lit up in a way he had never seen before when he had agreed to let Tasia move-in.

The two of them lived together in Merlin's tower and made a point of visiting Dana's parents at least twice a month. They weren't actually married, though. Tasia had no legal identity to begin with, which meant it would be very hard to sign off on a license. However, she had grown surprisingly close to Dana's parents and had started calling them Mom and Dad.

Dana hadn't come down for breakfast. Though she didn't need to eat normal food, she usually did so for social reasons. However, she had experienced a massive breakthrough regarding the gear system for the telescope in Merlin's tower, which she had been working on diligently for the last few years. Tasia had tried to explain the breakthrough to Mike, and he wasn't sure if she did a bad job doing so or if the engineering involved was just very far above his pay grade.

Either way, Dana was apparently quite pleased. The zombie's experience in Europe almost two years ago had changed her for the better. Her condition wasn't cured by any means, but she was apparently more than halfway there, according to Ratu.

But most of all, she seemed genuinely happy at times. This helped to alleviate plenty of the guilt that Mike felt about her circumstances.

"So what's on the agenda today, Romeo?" Lily had already eaten the roll that Tasia had jammed in her mouth.

"I've got a date with Di," he replied, then immediately regretted his choice in phrasing.

"Innnnnteresting," Lily said, leaning onto the table. "I know for a fact that you're going to put out on the first date. So how are you going to do it? Use your magic to tickle her pickle? What exactly are dragons working with, anyway? I guess you could use your whole body as a dick, or--"

Grace patted Lily on the arm, then tsked at her with a wagging finger. "Naughty," was all she said, revealing the remains of a yellow crayon's paper stuck between her teeth.

"I don't take advice from kids with wax breath." Lily's tail plucked the paper from Grace's mouth and held it up where she could see it. "Have you considered eating glue, instead?"

Mike sighed when the Arachne nodded solemnly. "First off, no giving her ideas. Second, I meant that I'm meeting with Di to check in on her regarding the eggs and make sure there isn't anything she needs. Just because protecting them is her sacred duty doesn't mean we shouldn't be making her more comfortable."

"Oh, I knew what you meant, Romeo." Lily stood and took a cup of coffee with her. She made the long trip around the table to kiss Mike on the cheek. "But you're so much fun to fuck...with."

The succubus winked, then strolled out of the room, rolling her hips unnecessarily. Mike looked over at Grace.

"No glue," he said.

"Too sticky," she agreed.

Yuki patted the girl on the head. "She's with me this morning, by the way. We've been doing an art project together."

"Oh?" Mike looked at his daughter. "Can I know, or is it a secret?"

"Secret." Grace mimed zipping her lips shut and twisting a lock.

"When do you need me back?" he asked.

"Tink is taking her this afternoon, so I don't. It's bath day." Yuki jerked her thumb vaguely in the direction of the courtyard. "For Matilda, primarily. But Grace will probably be messy as well, so they may as well both get clean."

Grace nodded. "Very messy," she added.

"Thank you," Mike said. "I appreciate all the time you spend with her."

"Us extra limb-ers need to stick together, right?" Yuki swished her tails in Grace's direction. His daughter batted at them silently, very much like a cat. "And if I'm being honest, it feels nice to be needed, if that makes sense. We don't have the same bond that she shares with Tink, but I like to think that I'm secretly the cool aunt."

Suddenly, Lily's shirt from yesterday took on a whole new meaning. Mike tried not to laugh. "Well, after Di, I'm dropping by the beach to see Leilani. She's been missing me. It'll give me a chance to catch up with the villagers."

"Is Charlotte going with you?" Yuki asked.

"Oh, she's already there." This was actually how he knew that Leilani was missing him so much. Charlotte had sent him a psychic message earlier this morning about it. "They still rely on Charlotte quite a bit, even though the merfolk have taken over many of her roles."

Yuki nodded, then sipped her tea. "Things might be quiet for the most part, but they still feel very busy. It seems like you're getting pulled in many directions."

Mike took a deep breath and let it out. "Honestly? Yeah. Everyone here does their part, but I still end up spread very thin in terms of maintaining personal relationships."

"Indeed. You still owe me a date." The kitsune raised an eyebrow. "Two, in fact."

Mike winced. "I thought it was just the one?"

"Nope. We missed the first date because you had to help settle a fight with the gargoyles that turned into a colossal pissing match between them. So you rescheduled it for a month ago, but we missed that one too because Ratu needed our help breaking a cursed artifact."

"Technically, that's just the one date," he replied. "Cancelled twice."

"I charge interest." Yuki grinned over her cup at him. "If not for making new tarot cards, I would have gone out of my mind."

Mike took a breath. Living in a home full of magical women would have been so much easier if he hadn't started romantic relationships with pretty much all of them. His daily tasks and being a father kept him busy even without the women. With Leilani feeling neglected already, he worried about who else might be in Yuki's shoes. They already had a calendar to track such things, but it was easy enough for somebody to slip through the cracks.

"Hey. I'm good." Yuki's voice was soft. "I'm just communicating my needs long before I'm upset, Caretaker. I certainly don't need you hearing about it from your vampyr. Who, I might add, seems to be doing a phenomenal job as your personal assistant."

"That she is." Charlotte had taken on many of Mike's duties as her own. It certainly didn't hurt that she had the eternal stamina for it. Unlike Kisa, she was very much a people person. The cat girl typically stuck to either Tink or Death, but had been permanently attached to Tink's side lately. It was the only way to keep track of Matilda.

"Well. I guess I should be off," he said. He paused to give Yuki and his daughter a kiss, then took his plate to the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher. He spotted the pots and pans on the drying rack from breakfast and let out a sigh. It reminded him that he hadn't seen Sofia in a while either.

She and Eulalie were working hard on some grand scheme to restore the Library of Thoth to its former glory. Their new staff members were doing a great job with the help of Eulalie's rats, but the backlog was centuries long. The cyclops was rarely in the house longer than it took to prep a meal, though she did sometimes schedule play dates with the children.

"Maybe I need two or three assistants," he muttered out loud. They could take care of the daily stuff while he caught up with family.

A flowerpot by the window's edge shuddered, and a pair of fairies emerged from the dirt. It was Carmina and Cerulea. As a red fairy, Carmina had the insectile traits of a dragonfly, with four wings and compound eyes. Cerulea was blue and resembled a beetle.

"We'll be your assistants," Carmina said.

"We can do anything," Cerulea added.

"For cum," Carmina added.

"Why are you two sleeping in the dirt?" he asked.

"We were playing hide and seek with Grace," Carmina replied.

"And we both ended up hiding here," Cerulea added.

"But we fell asleep." Carmina giggled. "Don't tell her you saw us!"

Mike laughed. "Yeah, that's right. I remember you guys playing Hide and Seek. That was two days ago."

Cerulea gasped, then looked at her sister. "We're really good hiders!" she said.

"That's right." Mike didn't have the heart to tell them that there was a chance Grace had simply moved on to another task. However, it did make him wonder if the other two fairies, Daisy and Olivia, were similarly entrenched somewhere. He thought he had seen them in the garden yesterday, but might need to double-check. "I think Grace gave up, which means she's not playing anymore."

"We win!" The fairies exchanged a high-five and launched into the air to buzz around Mike's head. They both flew in to kiss him on the lips, then turned into motes of light and bolted away.

"Little goofballs," he muttered with a grin.

He stopped by his room long enough to change into clothes more suitable for the volcano and the beach. This amounted to shorts and a very lightweight button down. A quick trip through a pair of rat portals had him standing inside a temple that sat in the middle of a massive caldera.

The temple itself had an elevator near the entrance that would take him down to the actual chamber where Di resided, but a shortcut portal had been installed. Heat billowed out from the shimmering portal as he stepped into a large chamber dominated by an obsidian platform floating in a magma chamber. There was a dull, rumbling sound that he could feel beneath his feet as the magma flowed like a river around the central platform.

At the other end of the chamber, a full-figured woman with white hair and a silver bikini was sitting next to a colossal dragon's head. They were mid-conversation when the dragon's eyes shifted in his direction. A thin grin appeared along the dragon's lips as she lifted her head to look in his direction.

"Caretaker," Di said, the ground rumbling with her voice. "It has been a while."

"Indeed," he replied, walking across the bridge. "Is now a good time to see how you are doing and ask if there is anything you desire?"

"My sister here provides me with plenty of company." Di looked toward Quetzalli. Transformed into a human woman by the Queen of the Fae, Quetzalli hopped to her feet and gave Mike a tight hug, which also resulted in a solid zap of electricity on contact. The storm dragon's powers had been greatly diminished in this form, but they were slowly returning with the restoration of her horn.

"Mike!" Quetzalli squeezed him so hard that several ribs popped. "What a lovely surprise!"

"I didn't expect to see you down here today," he admitted, but was certainly pleased to see her. Last he heard, Quetzalli had been out in Oregon, visiting with Beth.

The dragon girl took a step back and squeezed her arms together in front of her chest, which caused her breasts to bubble up and nearly squeeze out of her bathing suit.

"Do you like my new swimsuit?" she asked.

"Very much. Where did you get it?"

"Eulalie had it specially made. It helps distribute the charge so I'm less likely to zap someone when I go swimming." Quetzalli gave him a gentle nudge with her elbow. "If I'm in the water too long, I sort of become like a big capacitor."

"My little sister has quite the shocking presence," Di added with a rumbling laugh, then turned her attention back to Mike. "Everything here is well, Caretaker. I am content."

"I can see that." Mike took a moment to glance around the chamber. Occasionally, he spotted the serpentine movement of Di's body shifting amongst the magma. "I'm grateful Que can keep you company."

"We belong to a very special sisterhood." Di blinked, then raised her massive head. "Did you wish to see the eggs?"

"Only if you think I need to. I assume nothing has changed."

"It has not, Caretaker. Until the final egg is fertilized, they shall continue to remain dormant."

All but one of the dragon eggs had been fertilized and held under a magical geas of suspension until the last one was ready. Mike actually had access to a Dragon Seed which would finalize the process, but that technically belonged to Dana, who might need it to cure her condition.

That, and even if he did fertilize the final egg, then what? Bringing dragons back into a world that would likely kill them was a tragedy waiting to happen. He honestly wasn't sure what to do with them. Maybe someday, he'd figure it out.

"Then I see no need. This visit is purely about your comfort."

The massive Earth dragon chuckled, her coils shifting all around them. "I am far happier than I have been in many centuries, Caretaker. It is beyond my imagination what additional comforts you could provide." Her large, topaz eye shifted in Quetzalli's direction. "However, this one wishes to mate with you. It has apparently been some time."

"Di." Quetzalli crossed her arms. "Humans are very shy about those kinds of things. It isn't polite to bring them up."

"Then why do you bring it up with me so often?"

Quetzalli coughed into her hand, then looked at Mike. "It's fine," she said. "My needs just feel...many."

"I see." In truth, Mike felt pretty bad about it. Something needed to change, he just didn't know what. "On a similar note, I'm headed to see Leilaini after this."

"Perhaps I should accompany you, then." Quetzalli bid farewell to Di, then picked up a small cotton dress and slipped it over her head as she left with Mike. The skirt barely covered her butt cheeks as she walked, a problem compounded by how the fabric stuck to her.

Mike and Quetzalli left the temple together, the dragon clinging to his arm as if they were on a date. She ran her hand up his arm and traced out a random symbol on the back of his neck. He could feel the hair on his body standing on end.

"I think she likes you," Quetzalli said.

"Di? Yeah, she's nice."

"I mean romantically."

"What?" Mike stopped to look at the dragon. "Seriously?"

"Are you interested?" Quetzalli grinned like the Cheshire cat at him.

"You're screwing with me, aren't you?"

Quetzalli laughed. "Of course I am. Some of the merfolk keep asking when the two of you are going to hook up."

"Why does everybody assume I'm going to fuck...the..." Mike let his words drift and coughed to cover his embarrassment. Quetzalli blinked innocently at him, then grinned when she saw him blush.

"The non-humanoid dragon," he finally said. "I'm aware there is a precedent, but that dragon is roughly my size and has very human features."

"You're so cute when you're shy." Quetzalli gave his arm a playful pinch. "Also, have you been keeping up on your lessons?"

Mike nodded, then held up his hand to summon a butterfly made of lightning. He gave it a toss, and it fluttered away. "See? I'm no longer limited to spiders."

"While you demonstrate great control of form and function, what about power?" She pointed at the sky and thunder rumbled from deep within a cloud. "Any luck?"

"Not without a severe drop in strength and stamina," he replied. His magic had evolved primarily based on his own desires to protect and to connect with the women in his life. The nymph part of his magic was based on souls and sexuality. The strangely evolved Fae part was the chaotic component that caused spontaneous changes and evolutions based on intense emotional states. So summoning lightning to blast somebody was an intense drain on his magical reserves.