Home for Horny Monsters

Hi all! Annabelle here with the next chapter of HFHM!

New reader? This is one of the final chapters of Book Three of Home for Horny Monsters. You really should start at Chapter One. (Don't worry, there will be a Book Four)

Returning reader? Welcome back! Not only am I excited to see you again, but I am excited to share this chapter with you! A lot is about to go down. There will be fighting, reunions, and easily one of the strangest erotic scenes I've ever written (no, really).

As always, thanks again for your comments and letters. Your support means the world to me and I appreciate the many readers I get to meet doing this. It's always fun to hear fan theories, especially since some of them are right on the money. Don't forget to rate, comment, etc. once you are finished, and I hope you enjoy this one!

The Magician

They came again in the early hours of the morning, moving silently behind the outer wall. They triggered the wards Yuki had set, causing the kitsune to watch their approach through the window with bated breath. She could see them now, ominous shadows that peered over the wall and then vanished, gathering near the entrance for their next attack.

Yuki had spent hours building her defenses back up, her mind and body tired from the effort, hoping to catch some sleep. Now, she watched with eager anticipation, mentally daring them to come toward the house.

The shadows gathered at the entrance in a silent conference, then moved forward into the yard. When the closest figure had traveled about twenty feet, an ice dragon raised its frosted head and bellowed, summoning a storm of ice and snow that blasted the intruders. The dark figures in the yard were quickly lost in a storm of ice, forced to retreat.

Exhausted, Yuki fell on the couch, allowing herself a quick nap, thinking herself safe until morning. She was wrong.

Twenty minutes later, they came back.

The dragon lifted its head again to summon the storm, but they had returned with a trio of small imps that rushed her dragon. The tiny demons ran beneath the dragon as it let loose with the fury of the storm, and her attackers took cover behind the front wall as the imps exploded near the base of the dragon's long neck. The ice cracked all the way through, and when the dragon took a breath to unleash another storm, its head fell off and shattered on the cold ground beneath.

They made it halfway up the yard before they encountered the avalanche she had set up for them. The night sky was blocked by the low fog over the house, and she had used several of her cards to trap several tons of snow on an artificial ramp of ice. With a snap of her fingers, she watched as the snow flowed over them like a river, burying the front yard in several feet of snow and then freezing along the top. The front porch was now packed in, so she monitored the chaos through the eyes of an ice crow she had planted on the chimney.

Several seconds after the avalanche had been triggered, she scowled in anger at the sight of a protective bubble under the snow. The eerie blue glow suffused the yard until the invaders poked a hole in the ice above them, helping each other out. Snow beasts formed all around them, and they made another run for it, vanishing between the lions who were now level with them.

Thinking they had given up, Yuki was able to get another hour of sleep before she felt a change in the composition of the yard. Beneath the snow, she could sense the beginnings of a powerful magic ritual that summoned a storm of its own, a whirlwind of energy that threatened to undo all her hard work.

"Silly mice," she muttered, stepping out onto the porch. Placing a hand on the snow, she could sense them now, tunneling toward her. She tilted her head, frowning. There were at least four of them now. Two had set up a chamber toward the front of the yard, and two others were tunneling toward the dial.

With a sly grin on her face, she drew the Two of Pentacles and held it upside down, pushing it into the snow. It burst into ash and a tremor rocked the front yard, caving in the tunnels and the chamber they had created. Clearly the intruders had been warded against such dangers, because they were able to dig themselves free, but they weren't able to escape the icy spears that she summoned from the ground. Blood was splashed across the snow by the time they left, and she went back into the house to lie down on the couch with some tea.

It was nearly four in the morning when the snow in the yard caught on fire.

Throwing herself off the couch, Yuki ran outside to see a pair of large fire elementals standing atop the lions and sending balls of flame in every direction. The air reeked of sulfur and swamp gas, and five figures now stood just outside the yard, peering in. Each one wore the same blindfold, and Amir smiled at her through the flames.

The flames along the top of the snow were being fed by some type of gas that seeped from beneath. The heat from where she stood was nearly unbearable, and it wouldn't be long until the snow in the yard had been reduced to water vapor.

The flames moved closer to the house, and she pulled out her cards. She had already used so many, and the deck was noticeably thinner in her hands. The Minor Arcana each took roughly half a day to make, and the Major Arcana even longer. She needed a way to chase the Society off for more than a couple days at a time, to replenish her deck, but what would that require?

She flicked the Queen and King of Cups out of the deck and tossed them toward the snow. Two humanoids made of water formed before her, their hands outstretched. The ensuing rain was heavy, but without any wind, and the elementals hissed in fury as they were slowly smothered out. The magical flames on top of the ice were slowly extinguished, and a hard crust of ice began to form. Sinking her magic into the ground, she focused the freezing of the water and sent a shower of man-sized icicles at the front gate.

Amir and his team moved away from the opening, and Yuki snapped her fingers, spiraling the icicles apart at the last second. The King and Queen of Cups moved their hands, focusing the rain near the gate, and the icy conglomerate expanded, turning into a thick wall of ice.

Yuki let out a sigh of relief, focusing her energy on the falling rain. It began to snow once more, and she leaned against a porch column for support. Not only was she running out of tarot cards, but she was also exhausting her own magic faster than it could be replaced.

The snowman in the yard had partially melted, its misshapen face sliding apart to reveal the top of the gargoyle's head. With a violent shake, Abella's face burst through the slush, showering the ground with icy chunks. Still pinned in place, her dark gaze fixed on Yuki.

"You've seriously fucked everything up. I hope you're happy with yourself."

Yuki just glared at her, fighting back the anger welling up inside. "I didn't expect this. Nobody could have."

"You said that you were the new Caretaker. Why don't you just go out and twist that dial? Prove to us all who's boss."

"Shut up, Abella. I need to think."

"Yeah well..." Abella tilted her head, her ear toward the sky. "You'd better think fast. I can hear them whispering to each other."

"And?"

"Sounds like they're coming. All of them, from wherever they're at. While you're barely holding them back, their team is getting bigger."

No!

The sinking feeling in her gut was officially replaced with a pit of pure despair. These people had the advantage in numbers and resources, and it was a tough pill to swallow, but she needed more than just a deck of cards and some snow. "What would you have me do?"

"Go get the real Caretaker. It's a simple solution, really. Bring back Mike and he can make this all go away."

"Absolutely not! I've got this..."

Yuki looked across the yard at the ominous glow behind the ice. No, she didn't have this under control. Not at all. If Abella was right, she was going to be fighting an uphill battle from here on out, and she was already growing tired.

It wasn't fair. She stepped out into the yard, her nose wrinkling at the scent of gas still lingering in the air. Carefully picking her way across the ice, she stepped onto the soggy ground past its boundaries, and approached the gargoyle. Abella's features tightened when Yuki grew near.

She needed time to think, and if the glow at the gate was any indication, she didn't have much of it.

"I can't bring him back. I don't know where he is." Yuki pulled the wardrobe key from her pocket and held it out. "And I can't leave either, it would take too long. But maybe... maybe..." She couldn't bring herself to say it, a hot tear burning its way down her cheek.

Abella's features hardened, and she nodded.

"Let me out."

Yuki placed a hand on the ice and then tapped it with her finger. Cracks spread across it, and she took several steps back. The ice shuddered and then fell apart, collecting in a pile around Abella's feet. The gargoyle stretched her wings and then shook her whole body, spraying water everywhere.

"If you can buy me some time, I'll—" Abella's features went wide and she flew toward Yuki, arms outstretched.

When the wall of ice exploded, shrapnel filled the air and knocked both of them across the yard. The King and Queen of Cups were blown apart, evaporating into a fine mist that clung to the house, and Yuki and Abella tumbled through the snow, coming to a stop at the stairs.

Abella cried out in pain, placing her hands against her ears and rolling off of Yuki. Yuki stood up to watch a large metal golem with wrecking ball hands stride through the opening.

Somewhere in the distance, someone opened a window and threatened to call the cops if they didn't stop making so much racket. Yuki almost laughed, but was too busy summoning a wall of snow between them to hide them from the Society.

"The key!" Abella pulled herself up, still disoriented by the blast. "Where is it?"

Yuki's lips formed a thin line and she just shook her head, holding up her empty hands for Abella to see.

The key was gone. She had lost it in the blast, and had no idea where it was.

---

"Okay, so what do we have?" Mike looked down at a picture of the house that Tink had drawn him.

It was brightly lit by light from the rising sun through a nearby window. They stood in the kitchen, the parchment rolled out in front of them and surrounded by rats, Tink, and Ratu. Zel was still out in the stable, her leg too bad to walk on.

"Fox face turn everyone to stone." Tink laid rocks out along the map. "One-Eye out front and Big Sister in fountain. Rock Butt stuck in ice here." She put down a large stone she had found in the garden. "Fairies and rats all hiding, and not sure about cow fuck or horny lawyer."

"Horny lawyer? Really?"

Tink shrugged. "Tink look in briefcase."

He shook his head, making a mental note to ask about that later. "So it isn't as simple as just going in and shooting her with a trick arrow, is it?" He gave the goblin a wink. "She can turn us to stone with a look, has magic, and wants to kill me. So what are our options?"

"Hmm." Ratu touched the paper map. "We can choose to spring up anywhere in the house. Perhaps we can set an ambush?"

"Maybe. But we have a bigger problem. Even if we defeat her and put a bag over her head, what about the others? Can we get her to return them to normal?"

"That's something you would have to ask her. I assume it's reversible, but can't know for sure. It would also be dangerous to try and figure it out on my own without knowing what type of enchantment it is."

"What about the medusa thing she's got going on? Any counters?"

"Don't make eye contact. Try to look at her through a mirror, or close your eyes." Ratu shrugged. "The only advantage we have is the element of surprise. I suppose we could come up through the Labyrinth and I could get some magic items from the center, but stepping out through the reflecting pool will ruin any chance of sneaking up on her."

"Hmm. I feel like we're missing something." He looked over the map again. "What about the Vault? Is there anything there we could use?"

Tink shook her head violently. "Bad news only. Vault not for fighting."

"There's gotta be..." his eyes fixed on the pebble Tink had laid for Naia. "What about that weird emerald? Is there any way to get that?"

"I was under the impression that Naia had tucked it away, so I'm not sure how." Ratu tapped the map by the fountain. "But if we could get it, it might just work. It's powerful enough that you could use it to wish her away, or make her obedient, but you'd have to be very careful."

"Why?"

"Every story about wishes is a cautionary tale for a reason. And the stone won't just work directly. You can't just say 'I wish things were back to normal' or whatever. You have to feel it, in here." She tapped her chest. "It works off of desire, remember? That part of you that humans have the least control over."

He chewed at a fingernail, looking over the map. "Okay, well, any ideas on how we could get the emerald?"

Ratu and Tink looked at each other and then both shook their heads. Mike grimaced, his eyes back on the map. The emerald could certainly be used, but he had to get it first and then figure out the best way to use it.

"Mistress Tink?" A rat appeared at the end of the table, his ears and nose barely visible over the edge. "We are ready to begin."

"Tink go look." She hefted the club on her shoulders. "Scout out house. Husband wait, then Tink tell what fox face is up to."

"Please be careful." They had the rats open a portal in Tink's room beneath the garage. There should be zero reason for Yuki to spend any time down there, and Tink would be able to slink quietly through the house until she could make contact with Reggie.

"Tink super careful." She walked past him and gave his ass a playful pinch. "Husband watch."

She disappeared around the corner. Mike looked at Ratu.

"And now, for the worst part." She sat down and crossed her arms. "Waiting."

---

"Oh, fuck me." Yuki flopped down on the porch swing, gasping for air. The iron golem lay dismantled in front of her and the yard was finally quiet once more.

When the iron golem had stormed the yard, Abella had rushed to intercept it. While it was powerful enough to do the gargoyle serious harm, she had been quick enough to evade its clumsy blows and fight back. While the battle itself could have been dealt with, six members of the Society had come running in, filling the night air with light and sound as they rained a magical assault down on the front yard.

The golem tried to attack the dial, but upon impact, its wrecking ball fist had cracked. A lightning storm danced across the yard, and one of the new assailants had burst into flame, tossing elementals across the yard. Amir stood toward the back, directing dark clouds across the yard to take up position and begin burning runes into the soil. Whatever he was up to required a fairly large rune, and Yuki had quickly been outmatched by their assault.

When she tossed the Hanged Man card into the yard, it had folded itself into smaller and smaller squares before disappearing with a pop. The effect took several seconds before anyone noticed, but the Society broke into a panic once they did.

Without any air to breathe, a few of them had collapsed to the ground, clutching at their throats, the air sucked from their lungs. One of them had been dumb enough to rip off their blindfold in a panic, and Yuki was fast enough to stone one of them where they lay, her lips tightly sealed to hold in what little oxygen she had left. Thinking she had outsmarted the Society, she was disappointed to see Amir rub that cursed ring of his and summon the djinn.

The djinn surveyed the situation and gave a nod. Amir made a pair of hand signs that Yuki didn't recognize, and a dark cloud billowed over the Society members, turning them to smoke and then rushing away across the sky. Across the yard, Abella was soundlessly bashing away at the golem.

Yuki stumbled up the porch and summoned snow and ice to grab the golem by the feet, slowing it down. Abella managed to get ahold of the cracked hand and begin peeling it apart. Whoever had made the golem had done so in a hurry, for the beast was hollow past its elbows, and Abella eventually scrambled into the large hole she had torn to attack it from within. Stumbling back and forth, it eventually it collapsed in front of the house, and Yuki had been on the verge of unconsciousness when the card's magic expired. A heavy breeze blew over the yard as the outside air rushed in to replenish it.

There was a loud rattling sound inside of the golem and it tipped forward, Abella squirming out from inside of it. Her body was covered in rust, and she tumbled out onto the yard, her wings stretching out on the grass.

"That was close." Abella held up one of her hands. Scorch marks stretched along her fingertips. "The core was in the head. Whoever put it together left a hole just big enough for me to reach in and crush it."

"Mmm." Yuki's head pounded, and she leaned forward and put her head in her hands. "We only have a few minutes until they come back. I have no idea where that key is. Honestly..." She looked over her shoulder. "It might be best if you just ran. I appreciate the help, but this will only become more dangerous."

"Heh. I wouldn't be doing my job if I left. Speaking of..." Abella rose and walked toward the house. "If Mike was dead, the house would be hibernating. They would be able to come and go as they please, never seeing a single thing of value. If he's alive, then I know he's coming back."

"You have that much faith in him?"

The gargoyle nodded. "He's different than the others. Since the beginning, he has treated us as equals. Even Sofia likes him, but she won't say it out loud."

Yuki chuckled. Sofia was not one to like a human easily, that was for sure. "I need to run out back and unfreeze the others. They can help us."

"Can't you do it from here?"

"No." Yuki tapped the side of her head. "Eye contact only."

"Is that the only way?"

Yuki nodded. "Yeah." She stood up and was immediately caught in the high beams of a small sedan that drove onto the yard, tires squealing in the mud. It slid to a stop and was followed by another car and they formed a V. The doors opened, releasing their passengers into the shadows where she couldn't see them.

Damn.She pulled more cards from her deck and tossed them into the air. The Page and Knight of Pentacles appeared from the ground, bursting forth from beneath the slush piled up by the porch. The King and Queen of Pentacles appeared shortly after, standing taller than their compatriots. They all turned to Yuki for direction.

"Shake the ground. Buy me time." They nodded and sank into the dirt. The whole yard shook, causing the cars to rock from side to side. Yuki ran for the front door, her hand on the knob, when she heard a low growl from behind her.

"Oh shit!" She turned to look into the blistering eyes of a pack of hellhounds that crawled over the cars. When they charged the porch, Abella was able to intercept one of them, but the other three made it to Yuki in a hurry.

Growling, Yuki's face distorted and her entire body shook as white fur burst from her skin, her fingers elongating into razor sharp talons. She snagged the first one out of the air and slammed it into the porch hard enough that the wood splintered and the hound disappeared underneath. Sharp teeth sank into her arms, but her fur hide was thick enough to spare her the worst of the harm.

Snatching up one of the hounds, she stared into its face with the gorgon's eye. The beast turned to stone, and shattered when she threw it into the yard. A swirl of smoke formed over its remains as the beast reassembled itself and charged her again.