Home for Horny Monsters

Hi all! Here it is, the next chapter of HFHM!

New reader? Start at the beginning, I've packed in quite a bit of plot and you will be super confused. But maybe that's your kink, so by all means, stroke away.

Returning reader? Wonderful, now that you're here, the party can continue! Where last we left off, Mike had accidentally discovered a pair of faces inside of the Underworld that many of you weren't expecting and I left you on a cliffhanger. Well, the wait is over, let's get this show on the road.

Once again, thanks for all your support. Don't forget to follow me, rate my stories, and click on my bio to see when I plan to post the next chapter. I'm doing my best to get these out, and I love hearing about how you enjoy them.

Anyway, enough from me, let's all get on the bus and head to...

Purgatory

The gray skies of the Underworld did little to improve Mike's mood, and the occasional wail from the house made his stomach sour. Yet he sat quietly as Yuki told Amymone about how she had escaped from her tower.

"...and after we sent the Society packing, Mike forgave me for trying to kill him." Her tale done, Yuki put her hands in her lap. "And so I live in the house again. It's really weird that nobody remembers me, but I'm hoping to try and rebuild those relationships. It's frustrating, and more than a little lonely, but I'll get there."

"Wow." Amymone was sitting on the ground with her legs pulled beneath her and her chin on her knees. "That's incredible, I'm so happy that you survived."

"So what about you?" Yuki waved her hand around to indicate the Underworld. "I'm more than a little surprised to see you here. I figured you were dead."

Amymone's laugh sounded almost like a bark. "Okay, well, after you disappeared, things started getting dark around the house. For the most part, Emily was the same, only she claimed that you had gone away on an important mission. But then I heard rumors from the others about your disappearance and started to wonder if she had left you behind in the world on the other side of my tree. Granted, we couldn't help but believe her stories, but eventually some of the stuff she did spoke volumes more than the lies she fed us."

"Like what?" Mike had been quiet, allowing the two of them to catch up, but now he was curious.

"She became obsessed with unlocking the magic in the house. That was something that hadn't been an issue before. She was also becoming borderline abusive with a couple of the girls in the house, and poor Tink was constantly getting yelled at for little things. It was textbook personality disorder type stuff, and I saw the writing on the wall long before the others. A dryad can never leave her tree, so unlike Naia, I was never able to go inside the house. Well, sometimes Emily would do something on a Monday that would have everybody upset, but then by Wednesday or Thursday, they would have all forgotten about it. She found out how to tamper with memories somehow, and I suspect she was using the geas to do so."

He shook his head and sighed. "I have my theories, but they don't change what happened."

"Yeah, well, for the longest time, she claimed that she was trying to track you down." She pointed to Yuki. "Told everyone that you had been attacked or whatever. Became obsessed with some old key she found, would disappear into the Library for days. She even started perusing the books down in the Vault, and we all know that's a huge no-no, but we thought it was to help you, so nobody said anything."

"There are books in the Vault?" Mike tried to remember if he had seen some on his last trip there, but couldn't picture any.

"There are supposed to be. Dangerous ones. Anyway, she started asking me uncomfortable questions about my tree. She could use a tree to walk to another one, and had done some trick to open a portal in my tree that went somewhere new."

He nodded. "I'm familiar with this."

"Well, one day, a pair of centaurs came through from the other side. They wanted access to the greenhouse, and Emily was so freaked out by the fact that they had just come on over that she didn't ever notice that only one of them went home."

Zel. Mike thought about how the centaur had originally come to the house. It had been through Amymone's tree.

"And so she chopped it down?"

"Oh, and she was insidious about it, too. Blocked off part of the spring so Naia was stuck in the house and told everyone it was movie night. Sent Abella into the greenhouse to check on Sweet Pea because she'd been acting funny recently. Emily popped right on out and started chopping away. I couldn't even stop her. She used some sort of spell to trap me in place. Told me all about how she was going to have Tink make a lovely wardrobe out my tree while clearly out of her fucking mind."

"I'm really sorry." Mike hung his head and took a deep breath. "That must have been awful."

"Watching yourself be murdered? Yeah, it was." She shook her head, her long hair shifting along oaken shoulders. "Anyway, you don't read plenty of mystery novels without knowing what's about to go down. Long before she killed me, I actually pulled the heart wood out of my tree and hid it. Think of it like the magical core. Over time, my tree would die without it, but Emily was out there with her axe long before my leaves had even wilted."

"Is that why you're here?" Yuki asked.

"Yep. My heart wood can go dormant for almost a decade before it needs to be properly planted. I figured Emily was nearing the end of her lifespan and had my fingers crossed that a new Caretaker would arrive and find it. In the meantime, I'm stuck here, waiting to be born anew."

"Where did you hide your heart wood?" Mike asked.

Amymone smirked. "It's hard to hide something when you can't go away from your tree, and I was afraid that Emily would find out and demand to know where it was. So I gave it to the one person who would never say a word."

Mike and Yuki looked at each other, then back at her.

"Who?" Mike asked.

Amymone's grin faltered when she realized that they weren't going to guess. "Why, Sweet Pea, of course! The mandragora can't talk, and since I can talk to plants, I had her take my heart wood into the greenhouse and hide it with instructions to give it to the new Caretaker."

"Oh." Mike frowned. "Um, Sweet Pea is...gone. She did this thing where she ate a witch, turned her into a plant, and then had me impregnate her or something prior to wandering off to parts unknown. As far as I know, Sweet Pea is...gone."

Amymone's face darkened, and thin lines formed in the bark of her skin. "Oh, please tell me you aren't making this up."

"I'm not. I wish I was. But if you have any idea where Sweet Pea hid it, then I could have the centaurs keep their eyes out for it."

"It's true, an entire herd of them live in the greenhouse now!" Yuki took Amymone's hand in her own. "Don't give up hope!"

"Oh, I gave up hope a long time ago." The dryad groaned and slumped back on the dry ground beneath her, limbs outstretched. "Never thought Sweet Pea would need to be pollinated so soon. Damn."

"I'm really sorry." Mike didn't know what else to say. "What does your heart wood look like?"

"It's literally a piece of wood from the middle of my tree." She stared at the sky, her eyes unblinking. "When I gave it to Sweet Pea, I made it look just like the wood from the jungle, in case it ever got spotted. I very much regret my decision now. I should have just buried it on the other side of the yard."

Mike said nothing while Yuki tried to comfort her friend. His eyes kept traveling up to the house itself, and he would sometimes see Emily's face vanish from sight.

"What is this place?" he asked. "I mean, why is there a copy of the house here?"

"Hmm?" Amymone looked up at him. "Oh, right. You're looking at the house when it's asleep. When the Caretaker dies, the home slumbers and goes somewhere else. Rather than leave a giant hole in the ground, this house replaces it. That way, if someone breaks in or attempts to do harm, the real home is protected and this place acts as a decoy."

"How do you know all this? Don't you sleep when the home does?"

"Nope." She grinned. "Naia and I take care of the house while it sleeps. She is tied to the fountain, and me to my...well, anyway, when the house falls asleep, the occupants are carried with it, and Naia stays behind to wait for the new Caretaker. Once she bonds with him or her, this place comes here once more. I actually got stuck here when I died, and when the home slept, I got to haunt the real world for a little bit. Oh, that reminds me!" She turned to Yuki. "Jenny escaped the Vault before the house fell asleep, so she's probably roaming around and causing trouble. Might want to be a priority when you get back."

"Already taken care of," Mike told her. "We're on good terms now."

"Seriously?" Amymone looked at him in awe. "This guy is the real deal, isn't he?"

"Most days," Yuki said with a smile.

"Jenny did try to kill me, first," Mike added. "It's kind of a theme."

Emily's wailing pierced the air, and everyone winced.

"So I get why you're here," Mike said. "But why is she up there?"

"No idea. That cunt showed up a couple years back and never comes out of her room." Amymone scowled. "Some days, she'll just stare at me for hours. I have no idea what that's about, and she seems to be putting on a special show for you two, because she's all about her Cecilia impression today."

Cecilia. Mike realized that plenty of time had passed, and it was about time they got going. "So, do you have any ideas how we can get back?" he asked. "That Cerberus wasn't very friendly at all."

"I've had no problem with it, but I'm supposed to be here. You, however, are not. Hell's guardian is actually one of several three-headed dogs in charge of making sure souls don't just traverse the spiritual plane. It's not just about Hell, but anywhere connected to here. I suspect that you are on the Cerberus shit-list as long as you are wandering around out there. So no, I don't know how you can avoid it." The dryad chewed her lip for a moment, then looked up at the window. "However...she might."

Mike looked back up at the bedroom window, then back at Yuki. "Can I tell you how much I hate this?"

"You can tell me about it, but..." Yuki summoned a spear of ice. "I'm about to go up there and find out what happens if you try to kill something that is already dead."

He nodded, then looked back at the window. The idea of talking to Emily gave him a serious case of the creeps, because he had no idea what she might be capable of. So far, other than wailing in agony, she had done nothing else, but he had learned long ago that he should never assume weakness in anyone or thing he encountered.

"Let's go together." He walked toward the back door and opened it. Yuki walked inside, leaving a frosty trail of pawprints on the floor. She held her spear of ice in one hand and a handful of tarot cards in the other.

"Hold up," he said when they were at the stairs. "She seems content upstairs. I want to do a quick check down here, just to make sure there isn't anything lying in wait that can trap us."

She nodded, and gave the stairs a dirty look before they did a sweep of the bottom floor.

The house was different. There were rooms that didn't exist in his version of the home, and he wasn't at all surprised that he only remembered them now that he was here in the Underworld. Memories of his first day in the home with Beth giving him a tour of the house came back to him, and he couldn't help but smile. He had had no idea what he had gotten into, and it was weird to think that he had actually been walking through this place, only to have the real house swap out on him.

Checking the basement was the most nerve wracking. It was dark, and he was convinced something would leap out at them. The only thing that made him jump was the occasional moan that came from above, and when they finally got around to the stairs, he had Yuki take the lead.

Once on the second floor, they checked out the other rooms first. There were extra rooms here, too, and he even recognized some of the creepy dolls that had been there before. He stood for a moment in Beth's room, then tried to open the passageway to the Labyrinth in her closet.

The process failed. He looked over at Yuki and smiled. "This place is as ordinary as the day I moved in. It's kind of weird, actually experiencing it again as if it's the first time. This room is the same, but look out here." He took her in the hall and showed her the other rooms. "This one is yours, but there's an extra one next to it. And I guess this is where our mystery door is now, right?" He opened the door to reveal an ordinary bedroom. "I remember them now. I haven't thought about any of these rooms since that very first night. So now I wonder if this means those rooms exist and are locked away, or if this is just an old house that my home is modeled after."

"Mm-hmm." She wasn't paying any attention to him. Her eyes and ears were focused on the master bedroom. From behind the door, they could hear the sound of a woman crying.

Mike shivered. "Okay, well...guess it's time to rip the band-aid off." He walked down the hall and was about to turn the knob when Yuki shoved him aside.

"Me, first." Her green eyes were now glowing with energy, as she shoved the door open and stepped inside.

The first thing Mike noticed was how cold it was. He thought it may have been Yuki's magic, but this was a different kind of cold that felt like the energy was being drained from him. Once they were both inside, there was no sign of Emily.

"Where are you?" Yuki growled, and the hair along her arms and neck stood up. "I know you're in here, Emily. You may as well come out where we can see you."

The curtains fluttered about as if caught in a breeze, and Mike noticed that there was a nasty stain on the wooden floor approximately where Emily had died in the real world. It occurred to him that they had never gotten a chance to clean up the stain and replace the wood beneath it.

It also occurred to him that no light seemed to reflect off of the stain. It was just a pool of blackness that sucked the light out of the room.

Yuki sniffed the air and then growled, revealing a pair of nasty fangs.

"What is it?" Mike asked, and then noticed the shadow that was forming along the opposite wall. On his shoulder, he heard Daisy buzzing angrily, and the little fairy popped out and hovered before him.

The shadow stretched and distorted, then Emily stepped through the wall. It was as if she was being transmitted through an old tube television, only the reception was shit, because her image had a bad case of rolling static. After flickering for a few seconds, she settled into place, and her feet hit the floor. Most of the color had been leached from her body with but a few highlights of color scattered along her ethereal form.

However, the thing he really couldn't take his eyes off of was the giant hole where her right eye should have been. Cylindrical in shape, it went all the way through and allowed him to see the wall behind her. There was no gore—her insides were just more static that flickered about as if she was full of flies.

"Um—" he began, but she opened her mouth and let out a shriek that modulated through several frequencies before she exploded.

Mike grabbed Daisy, and Yuki grabbed Mike's other hand and pulled him out of the room, but when they made it into the hall, they were now standing in the office.

Emily sat in an ornate wooden chair and held a book in one hand and a pear in the other. She took a bite of the pear and used her pinky to sweep the juice off of her chin back into her mouth.

"What is this?" Mike asked. His voice sounded odd, like it was coming from somewhere else. He let go of Daisy, and she resumed her perch on his collar.

"A memory." Yuki held onto his hand and pulled him closer to Emily. She swung her icicle like a club, and it passed harmlessly through Emily's head, but her body flickered like a candle's flame for just a moment.

"But why?"

Yuki looked back at him, her lips curled into a sneer. "Gee, I don't know. Let me check mySo You've Encountered Your Dead Ex in Purgatory, Now What?manual and I'll get back to you."

Mike debated sharing his idea for a chapter title, but thought better of it. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm not detecting any danger."

Her ears twitched, and she swung the icicle again. Nothing changed. "It doesn't," she added.

He shrugged and watched. A couple of minutes passed, and just before he was about to speak again, a large, black book fell onto the desk. It looked like the book was bound in leather, and there was a closed eye on the front.

Mike swore he saw the eye open for a moment.

Emily jumped out of her seat, then reached down to pick it up. She surveyed the room, and then there was a crash out in the living room.

"Emily?" It was Yuki's voice, but it was coming from inside the house. "Jenny got out of the Vault again!

"Shit." Emily ran out of the room, leaving the book behind on the desk.

Mike was about to follow, but the room filled with smoke, then cleared.

They were now outside at the edge of the fountain, and Emily was busy looking at the book. Naia was singing to a small flock of birds that were bathing in her fountain, and Amymone was across from Emily on the ground, her nose buried in a book of her own.

A spectral hand appeared on Emily's shoulder. It was made of shadows, and when it squeezed, she sat up straight and looked around.

"Everything okay?" Amymone didn't even look up from her book.

"Yeah, just a cold chill up my spine is all." She closed the book and looked into the sky. Her blonde curls draped over her back and shoulders and caught the sun's light, creating the illusion that she was surrounded in a golden aura. "Say, Amy, I was wondering something."

"Wait." Amymone held up one finger while she finished the page she was on. At the end of her fingertip, a large maple leaf uncurled itself, and she tucked it into the book to mark her place. "Okay, what's up?"

"You ever wonder where a portal from your tree would go?" Emily looked over at the large oak tree that was about twenty feet from the edge of the fountain. "Only special trees can be used as portals, and once they are linked, it's permanent. But your tree can be any type of tree, right? So, you could probably become a portal tree."

"And?"

"It's probably nothing, but...now I wonder. You and your tree are the same entity, in a way, which means your tree is sentient. It was just a weird idea I had, that maybe your tree could be used to open a portal to somewhere else, like the greenhouse. A place that's been folded away from the world."

Amymone bit her lip in contemplation, her dark eyes looking up as if she was trying to access files buried deep inside of her brain. "Huh. You know, I'm not sure. I mean, based on how the tree portals work, the logic makes sense, but you would need to have a pretty clear image of where you were going."

"I see." Emily opened the journal once more to look at a picture of a tower that had been drawn inside of it with great detail. "Interesting."

Yuki's hand was now crushing Mike's. Rather than chastise her, he placed his free hand on her wrist and gave it a squeeze.

"Just memories," he reminded her.

"But why?" Her voice had an edge to it, so he pulled his hand free of hers and wrapped his arm around her. She was cold to the touch, but he held her anyway.

"She's a restless spirit. She's trying to show us something." He really hoped it was important, and that they weren't just headed to a sticky end. The smoke rolled through again, and he took a deep breath of anticipation. Whereas the memories might be painful for Yuki, he was already getting some answers to questions he didn't know that he had.