Home for Horny Monsters

Hey all! I'm back with the next chapter of Home for Horny Monsters!

New here? This is chapter four of book three. You are going to be very lost if you just dive in. Chapter one is the best place to start. Seriously.

Returning? Great to see you again! We have magic furniture, dynamic team-ups, a sex scene where Mike explores his powers and... a quick trip to the Vault.

Please don't forget to leave a rating or a review, I love reading them. 2019 is going to be a fun year for the HFHM universe and some of you have sent me some great feedback, thank you!

Enough gushing from me. Let's find out what happens next.

*****

Stirring Memories

The group was huddled on the floor, staring at the mock map Mike had made of the hallway. He had used his knife to carve wooden blocks from the still flopping dresser, lying the pieces end to end. The smaller ones had already stopped shaking, and the larger ones were weakening. Cecilia hovered overhead, and Carmina stood amongst the blocks.

Carmina had gone first, flying along the ceiling and then back again. Cecilia had become invisible, traversing the same distance. The furniture had remained stationary, meaning that the trigger was likely visual in nature. Mike held the invisibility potion in his hand, wondering if it could be of any help. It would only work on one person, and he and Tink both needed to get to the other side of the room.

There was a hole in the floor at the other end, which led into an office. He doubted that the furniture in there was safe either, and worried that if they ran for it, they would get trapped between two sets of murderous furnishings.

"What do we think?" He looked at the others.

"If Tink right, not all activate at once." Tink flicked the first block away from the others. It tried to flip itself at Mike, but only succeeding in trembling. "We smash one at a time."

"And if I am right, the trigger for the others will be the first objects activating." He shook his head. "I really want Tink to be right, but I don't want to find out the hard way that she isn't."

"If Mike is right, the best option would be to run and hope there is a delay." Cecilia tapped on the thin disk Mike had set down to represent the hole. "This room was mostly empty, and we might be able to bottleneck them. They aren't smart, by any means, and could catch on each other."

"Which leaves us these." Mike indicated three taller blocks. Carmina and Cecilia had described them in much detail, and they all agreed that these were the most dangerous of all. The first was a large china cabinet full of dishes. The thing looked heavy, but he suspected that the dishes would be like the projectile books from the library. The next was a sofa that had rickety legs added to it, the top cushions stitched together for some unseen reason.

The last was a mannequin dummy with a pair of arms attached. Instead of fists, it had been given knife hands. The rest of the stuff in the hall seemed just put together experimentally, but these three seemed the most suspicious of them all.

"The objects don't seem to be sentient. Maybe we could lure them out first?" Cecilia pointed at the blocks. "I could make them chase me and disappear?"

"That's not a bad idea." Mike looked at the model he had built. "There is a hole in the floor right before the double doors. I wonder if stuff would fall down there? What's on the other side of those doors anyway?"

"Let me check." Cecelia blew Mike a kiss and vanished from sight. Several minutes passed before she reappeared.

"The double doors are another dead end. It's that weird rock from before."

"Fuck!" Mike threw one of the blocks. It bounced off the bed, which flopped in response.

"But good news! The room through the hole is one of the rooms in our house. The door is locked, but Abella is still waiting on the other side. She wants to know if she should break down the door or wait for you."

Mike frowned, thinking on it. "If she breaks in, then we can't seal this passageway off anymore, not easily anyway. But then she could trigger any traps waiting for us and smash anything that is following us." He drew the dagger. "If one of us could cut the lock, then she could come up here."

"About that. The hole narrows. You should be able to fit if you stretch your arms over your head, but no way will she make it."

"Goddammit." He fought off the idea of getting stuck while being chased. "This whole expedition has been one giant fucking dead end."

"Not enough rat jam," Tink added.

"You're right." He looked at the hole in the ceiling. Up above, he could still hear some of the books fluttering around in the room above. There was something about that room that was bothering him, and he felt like he was holding a puzzle piece with nowhere to put it. Carmina, now bored, was now stacking the more active cubes, determined to see how high she could pile them before they fell apart.

"Okay, I've got it." He pulled the dagger free. "Carmina, can you fly with this?"

The fairy left her pile of blocks and inspected it. "Maybe."

"Here, try it out, but be careful. If you drop that, it will cut through everything." If not for the hilt, Mike was convinced the thing would sink to the center of the Earth.

Carmina grabbed the handle and grunted, her four wings fluttering furiously. She hovered upwards slowly and made a quick loop around the room. Her speed was very diminished, but she was able to maneuver okay. She landed, setting the blade flat side down on the floor.

"I can do it. What are you thinking?"

"You take the knife and stick it in the lock. Gravity will do the work, that will let Abella in. She can trash whatever jumps her there. Once that room is cleared out, we make a run for it down the hall. Just leave the knife there, I don't want to stumble and fall on it while running." He moved toward one of the long supports from the bed. He sliced it down until it was roughly the size of a baseball bat. "We just need to slide through the hole before we get roughed up. I doubt anything makes it through, but Abella can take care of it if it does." He let out a deep breath. "Once we get back, I think it would be best to meet with the others and discuss a better plan this time. We were all in a hurry to find Jenny, but we haven't even seen any rats. I almost think these are unused tunnels."

"If these are unused, then why all the weird enchanted stuff?" When Cecilia spoke, his jaw dropped.

Why indeed? They had seen no signs of habitation, and they definitely hadn't stumbled across any treasure. His mind was back on the sky room once more.

"We can discuss it later. Carmina?" He held out the dagger once more. "Please be careful."

"You bet." She took it from him and flew through the door once he opened it. They all watched her as she disappeared down the tunnel at the end. They waited a few minutes and then heard the sound of splintering wood. The furniture in the hallway remained motionless.

After several more minutes, Carmina appeared in the gap. She stuck a finger in her mouth and blew, inflating her entire hand like a balloon. She gave them a thumbs up.

"That's one way to do it." He knelt down and let Tink crawl on his back, her legs passing through the loops in his arms. "Ready?"

"Giddyup!" Tink slipped her goggles into place and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Mike held out his club then opened the door and ran.

The moment he passed in between a lamp with a boxing glove on top and a coffee table, the whole room activated in a chain reaction. Furniture threw itself forward, some of the bigger pieces overlapping with each other and getting tangled up.

The lamp bent over and launched itself like a spear. The boxing glove hit Mike in the face, knocking his head to the side. Tink grabbed the lamp and tossed it to the ground as Mike stepped onto the coffee table. It tried to hop beneath him, and he jumped off of that and onto an angry mini-fridge that was spilling old cans of diet cola everytime it opened its door.

"It's like the swapmeet from hell." He jumped on top of a dresser, the drawers opening and closing beneath him. It tried to tip over, but it was too close to one of the pillars and bounced back. Mike used the shift in direction to leap down onto an ottoman. It jumped up and down, but he was too heavy for it. A coffee table turned on its side and rolled toward him. He knocked it aside with the club, causing it to crash into the mini-fridge.

A tea set leapt off of a nearby end table. The pot smashed into the wall behind him and he swung his club, smashing one of the teacups before it could hit him in the face.

"Sorry Chip." He stomped on another one and kicked over a table lamp. Most of what was in here was junk, but now he faced the strangely stitched couch.

The upper cushions curled like a giant lip, revealing the rows of knives that had been stuck into the cushions.

"No bite! No bite!" Tink squirmed, her feet kicking out. Mike shoved the club into the couch's mouth, pushing it back. The dumb thing was on felt casters, allowing him to push it easily across the concrete floor. Its gnashing teeth made metallic clinking sounds, and when the boxing glove lamp caught up to him, he fed it to the couch.

"Smash!" Tink's shifting weight threw Mike off balance. He turned around to see that she had used her hammer on a changing screen, punching a hole through the top. He grabbed that too and threw it toward the couch. It was now caught up on the cord of the lamp, rotating instead of moving forward.

An Easy Bake oven hopped toward him, a knife hanging out of its open door. He sidestepped, kicking it down the hall. The china cabinet was next, and its doors popped open. The first dish was a miss, but the next hit him squarely in the forehead, splintering against his flesh. He nearly fell over, but Tink grabbed a nearby pillar with her free hand, steadying him.

"Shit, ow!" He ducked behind the pillar as several plates smashed themselves into pieces against it. The furniture nearby was already closing in.

The temperature in the room dropped, and Mike plugged his ears. Tink did the same and Cecilia got between them and the China cabinet. She screamed, the sound painful even through his fingertips. The dishes rattled and cracked inside of the cabinet, and she drew its fire away from them. It fired plates uselessly at the banshee while Mike and Tink ran for it. He kicked down a vacuum cleaner and an ironing board. A loveseat with spider legs leaped across the room, but he fell to his knees, the seat crashing into the wall past him.

The sound of metal slicing through the air made him scramble away, the dummy hopping up and down nearby. It swung at him with several pointy arms, nearly tipping over with every swing. Whoever had designed it had forgotten to give it suitable feet, and Mike ran around it, the wobbly thing falling over in an attempt to stab him.

"Go!" He bent over and Tink leaped over him, landing head first in the hole. Her tail quickly disappeared. He stuck his arms up and jumped.

The inside of the tunnel was rough and beat him up terribly when he reached the narrow section. A strong hand grabbed his foot and pulled him through, dragging him sideways into a room. Abella leaned over him, concern on her face.

"Where's Cecilia?" he asked, but she appeared by his side. Tink was already in the hall, digging through the wood pile when he stepped outside. Once Carmina and Abella were clear, they shut the door and nailed boards into the wall, collapsing against the wall when finished. Tink and Mike held each other, doing their best to catch their breath.

Footsteps echoed down the hall and Zel appeared from around the corner.

"How did it go?" she asked.

Mike groaned in response.

-

Zel used a cotton swab and tweezers to clean ceramic shards out of the cut on Mike's face. He and Tink sat on the hay bales by Zel's workbench. Cecilia was patrolling the house and Carmina had gone into Beth's closet to get Ratu.

"You might need stitches." She had him hold a clean rag to his forehead. "The shards kept moving after they were embedded in there."

"Great. How steady are your hands?"

Zel grinned, then turned back to her table. Mike noticed her feet looked slightly bigger than they had before but kept it to himself. Beth wandered in, her cheeks flushed. She was wearing a different outfit than before, a sundress with boots. She sat across from him, a frown plastered on her face.

"I heard you come back. How did it go?"

"Poorly." He gave her the brief version, ending with their final flight down the hallway. Zel came back from her table with a thick paste and rubbed it into the cut on his head. His scalp tingled and he tried to touch it, but Zel swatted his hand away.

"That needs to sit for ten minutes."

"Why not use some of that potion you gave me?"

"That potion is for emergency use only and that's the only one I have."

"Can you make more?"

"Not until the next full moon. I was too busy during the last one to do anything." She winked at him, then turned toward Tink. The goblin had a nasty bruise on her shin that was already turning yellow. A different poultice was applied, causing the goblin to grimace. He leaned back on the hay, staring at the hanging light bulb up above.

"Is Cecilia okay? I don't see her."

"We wore her out. She's out front now, recharging." He shook his head. "We wouldn't have made it back without her."

"I heard there was need of me?" Ratu walked through the door, her hands tucked into her kimono. She was followed by Sofia, who had to duck when she came in. "Sorry for the delay, but I stopped by the Library on the way up."

"Wow, that was fast." Mike said. Carmina had left only ten minutes ago.

"I guess." The naga sat down next to Beth and took her hand. "So let's hear some more about your problem."

"What problem?" he asked. Beth dropped her head, her eyes on the floor.

"When I got stuck in the mirror prison, the demon there attached part of his soul to mine. This morning, he started showing up in mirrors around the house."

"Wait, so he's inside the house?" He felt a cold chill in his gut.

"Not quite. He can't escape the mirror, so he is only in my reflection. But he's been threatening me, and I worry that he might be putting you all in danger."

"Have you tried calling Dana? She could put Lily on the phone and we could ask her."

"Tried. No answer. Besides, I get the impression that this demon is kind of a big deal, even for a demon."

"And that's where I come in." Ratu pulled out some books from her kimono. "I'm certain we can find a way to undo the spell before it becomes a bigger problem. However, now I wonder if you needed me for something too. That's a nasty cut on your head."

Mike told her everything, then handed over the journal he had taken. Ratu examined it, then handed it over to Sofia. The cyclops appeared bothered by it, her eye glued to the writings inside. When he finished his story, it was Beth's turn. She showed everyone the marks on her arm and explained how Oliver kept coming to her in various reflections. The naga nodded when she was done, deep in thought.

"So it sounds like we have two problems for me to tackle. What to do about the Rat King, and how to remove a parasitic soul from a human. She turned toward Sofia. "Were you able to learn anything about His Highness?"

The question startled Sofia, and she nearly dropped the journal. "Perhaps. I did some looking. Almost everything I found about a Rat King was simply a mass of rats tangled together by their tails. I found that odd so did some more digging." She grabbed at a messenger bag that Mike hadn't realized she was wearing over one shoulder, then pulled a book out of it. "I think this is an example of an imperfect translation. when I went back far enough, I kept seeing the same symbol over and over. This one."

She opened a book and held it up. It was a detailed sketch of several rats, their tails overlapping in intricate loops that reminded Mike of a Celtic knot.

"So, some old books mention a rat king and follow it with this diagram. But the diagram was meant to be interpretive. The tails overlap and cross over one another. This is a kind of symbolism for how reality overlaps itself."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I found it in a very old book. This symbol used to be the coat of arms of the very first Rat King. The many rats represent his subjects, and their overlapping tails represent their ability to chew holes into the places where reality can overlap." She closed the book. "Think of your older human cartoons where a mouse runs into a hole and somehow comes out somewhere impossible. That's some leftover lore making it into mainstream culture."

"So wait. The Rat King can chew holes that go from one place to another?"

"Kind of. The original idea was that tiny holes would be used so that his subjects could safely travel his kingdom. Find a hole in the barn, end up in the castle, that sort of thing. It's supposed to be short range. However, this house is different."

"That's right!" Beth sat up suddenly, her eyes on Ratu. "It's just like you said. The Architect did all sorts of tricks with time and space to fold this place up. The greenhouse and the Labyrinth aren't in the house, but somewhere else."

"I don't follow." He looked at all three of them, then turned to Tink. Tink was ignoring the conversation, drawing something on a piece of paper.

"Have you ever seen the wormhole explanation in a movie? The one where they fold a piece of paper over and poke a hole in it?" Beth looked ready to show him if he hadn't.

"Yeah, a shortcut through time and space, i get that."

"Well, imagine that the paper is made of several different sheets already. When they chewed through the house, they found themselves able to travel through some in-between spots."

"Exactly!" Sofia held up the journal. "This makes so much sense. The place you found this journal has been missing for centuries. Not lost, but rather removed. It was home to a very small community of magical and nonmagical beings. When the Crusades came, something happened and they fled, but not before activating a spell much like the geas. It vanished forever, its secrets lost to the world."

"Was it by chance a flying castle?"

"What? No, it was built on a hilltop."

"The whole thing was tilted on its side." Mike pulled out his phone and showed them the picture of the city. "It's just hovering above this place."

"Whoa." Beth took the phone. "I think might be somewhere in Brazil, but can't be sure. I went on a school trip there when I was in high school."

"Fascinating. The place was sealed away, and somehow a piece of it remains in the sky." Ratu looked at Beth. "In a way, this is similar to the story of Atlantis, only the seams have grown weak on this part of the property."

Mike let out a sigh. He'd let Beth explain it better to him later. "How can we use this information?"

"The rats don't need holes as large as they've been chewing them. This implies they were moving something." Beth gave him his phone back. "Also, why would they go here? It sounds like the rats don't accidentally chew holes into places."

"Fuck." The realization hit him like a brick to the head. "The second floor wasn't just sealed off. Emily erased her own memories about it. The Rat King didn't sneak in, he was brought here. By Emily."

They all looked at him.

"The stupid furniture, the weird tunnels, all of it. Emily was using them to go somewhere."

"But why?" Sofia asked.

"She was looking for something and needed the rats. She did something to keep them in line when she was done, but now that she's gone, they're ready to run amok." He scowled at the floor. "We need to find Jenny first and then talk to the Rat King. He will know what she was looking for."