Home for Horny Monsters

Hey all! Here is the next exciting chapter of Home for Horny Monsters!

New to the series? You are going to want to start at chapter one. The cast of characters is huge and the mysteries of the house are many.

Returning reader? Welcome back, I'm excited for you to see where the story goes next! Thank you so much for sticking with this tale, I truly couldn't have gotten this far without your support. I absolutely love your enthusiasm and hope to keep seeing you here on Lit!

Enough from me. It's time to face the Rat King!

*****

Breakdown in Negotiations

Mike pulled his shirt on in front of the bathroom mirror, Naia watching him from the tub. He could see the look of concern on her face, knew that the question was coming, and he had no idea how to dodge it.

"Are you okay?"

He let out a sigh. "No."

"Tell me."

He didn't want to. He never wanted to talk about it with anybody. Yet, when he turned to face her directly, he remembered that she was the other part of his soul. She completed him in a way he couldn't quite comprehend, and the fact that he wanted to hide his feelings filled him with shame.

"The fast version." He stood right in front of her. "Cecilia took the souls of the poltergeists with her."

"That I know."

"When she did, I saw... things." Even now, it was a fading memory, a dream not meant to be remembered. Something about the light had called to him in a primal way, a way that surpassed even his love for Naia and the others. It had been terrifying just how close he had been to simply giving everything away just to step into its warm comfort. "It was a place of pure peace, just a shoreline on the waters of eternity, I guess. And I wanted to go, but I heard a voice. My dad's voice. I knew it was him, but I couldn't explain to you how I knew, and all he did was say my name. I wanted so badly to meet him, to ask him all the questions I had, but..."

Naia grabbed him, hugging him tight against her. "Death comes for us all. You got to see what awaits after we pass, but only a piece of it. The terrifying part of dying comes from letting go of this world and still not knowing what comes next."

"I guess."

"Your father will wait for you. I need you here now." She fixed him with those deep, penetrating eyes of hers. "When you die, you go beyond those shores. What you saw was just the doorway. Don't let that experience fool you into suddenly knowing what comes for any of us."

"Why was my dad there?"

"Often we find those we miss the most waiting for us on those shores. It is no big surprise that you would hear from him. You will walk those shores one day and find out for sure, but today is not that day."

"I just..." He put his forehead to hers, unable to voice it aloud. A swirl of complex emotions ran through him, everything he had been forced to experience at the same time. When the light had washed over him, he had been forced to confront his entire life, condensed down into mere moments. Once Cecilia had vanished, those thoughts and feelings unpacked like a can full of spring-loaded snakes, overwhelming him.

It's okay, lover. Naia's voice echoed in the back of his mind, her arms squeezing him tight. He took a deep breath and let it go, the emotions flowing out of him. Give it all to me. My waters are deep.

He stood there for a few minutes, his emotions rushing from him like the tide going out. When he finally let go, she kissed the tears from his cheek.

"Better?" she asked.

"Once I get Jenny back." He wiped his face on his sleeve.

Outside his room, he heard one of the planks squeak. When he walked out of the bathroom, he saw Sofia duck her head to walk through the doorway.

"Is this a bad time?" she asked.

"No, I'm good. What's up?"

"Tink came and got me just now. She said you're going after the Rat King again and I wanted you to have something first." She held out a piece of fabric. "I'm not done with the rest of it, but wanted to give you what I had."

"What is it?" He watched her unfold it. The fabric shimmered oddly beneath the light, both purple and black. Once unfolded, he realized he was looking at a vest.

"Do you remember when we were in the Labyrinth and found Ratu's skin?" She handed it over to him. "Naga skin is notoriously durable. I used some to make a nice pair of oven mitts, but had plenty left over and decided to make you some clothes from it."

"That's... does Ratu know you made me a vest out of her old skin?"

"She does. It was her idea when she found out I had taken some. She even helped me preserve some of its magical properties. It's strong against fire and earth magic and is very hard to puncture. You can't wear anything under it though, it has to be against your flesh. It was supposed to be a full tunic, but I ran out of time, so this is what I have.

"Thank you, Sofia." He took off his shirt and slid the vest on, covering up his scars. Once against his skin, the fabric tightened, molding itself to his torso. It was uncomfortable at first, but the cool fabric warmed up to match his body heat and became a bit more pliable. He realized that he could see no seams and wondered how she had stitched it together.

Sofia looked at him oddly, then let out a sigh. "Try not to die."

He thought briefly about Cecilia. Someday, she would take him to that shore. For now, he could wait. "I'll do my best."

"Good." She leaned over him to check the fit, then gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Put your regular shirt on over it. That way nobody will suspect you're wearing it."

"Good idea." He slid his shirt back on, chasing away the chill of the room. "Are you coming with us?"

She shook her head. "The rats are officially in the Library. As much as I want to help, those little fuckers are tearing up the place and destroying irreplaceable books." She shook her head. "If they chew a hole in the wrong place, we could end up dealing with something far worse than rats. Remember, the Library used to be tied to other places in the world. A hole in the right place could let anybody in, geas be damned."

"Shit." He strapped on his dagger and stuck Zel's vials in his pocket. "Guess I better go cut off the head of the snake. Pun intended."

"You're going to kill the Rat King?" she asked.

"Smash stupid fuck." Tink stood in the door, her eyes on Mike. "Husband smell different, like snake face. We go now."

"What on Earth is that?" Mike asked her. The goblin was holding a strange looking club that looked like it had been reinforced with thick bands of metal.

"This is Tink's Rat Smasher. Big surprise for Rat King." She hoisted the club over her shoulder and left. He followed her out and down the stairs, bidding farewell to Sofia outside of the office. He watched her disappear through the portal, the light vanishing and becoming a simple bookshelf once more.

"I wish this place had a user's manual." It was easily the hundredth time he had wished it.

"You and I both." Beth stood at the base of the stairs in a pair of jeans and a sweater, the rat next to her looking nervous. He narrowed his eyes at the rodent, fighting the urge to give him a kick.

"Lead the way," he told it. The rat nodded, then took them up to the second floor. Mike expected to go in one of the doors but was surprised when they walked into the servant's room.

"We closed this one up," he said, but the rat pushed on a hidden panel in the wall, revealing a thin hallway. It went between the rooms, leading deep into the house.

"Secret passage," Tink said sagely, walking in front of him with her goggles on. "House have normal secrets too."

"I guess." He followed behind her, turning on his flashlight. The hall was dusty with large cobwebs in the corners. Rat prints in the thick dust let him know they were on the right trail.

"His Lordship will not be expecting you, so we will proceed with caution when we reach the royal chambers." The speaker adjusted his plastic glasses, his whiskers trembling. "He is in a poor mood since the demon doll burned down one of his favorite rooms."

"How large is your kingdom?" Beth's question was innocent, but Mike's mind immediately went to how many rat traps he would need to order from Amazon.

"We number in the thousands and our rooms in the hundreds. We live in the forgotten places, the lost temples of the Maya, the pyramids beneath the sands. When you see an abandoned home off the highway, we are there. A broken down factory in the city, we are there. A shipwreck off the coast of-"

"We get it!" Mike didn't mean to yell, but it had slipped out. The rat's voice had been steadily climbing higher, grinding down on his nerves. "If the rats live in all these great places, then why the fuck do you want my house?"

"Your home is bigger than all of these places combined and it is safe. The Rat King wishes to expand his dominion."

"I'm afraid that eminent domain only applies to the government in the human world," Beth told him. "Your king cannot simply take away my client's home."

"We do not follow the laws of the human world. The laws of nature are far stronger."

"I'm guessing we're about to find that out," Mike said, his eyes on the hole in the floor up ahead. Was he about to walk into an actual fight? Could he kill the Rat King? In the back of his mind, he had always wondered if he could kill somebody to protect his family, and he was having a tough time seeing the Rat King as a person. The speaker stopped just before the hole and held up a paw.

"He is holding court. We must be cautious or his subjects will attack you."

"Holding court?" Mike looked at Beth.

"Kind of like civil suits. Or schmoozing at a party. Or whatever." She shrugged. "But it means a lot of them will be there."

"More to smash." Tink's voice came out as a low growl. She shifted the club on her shoulder. "Tink tired of rats."

"Same here, Tink." He watched her jump into the hole ahead of him and land with a loud thud and a swearing streak. "I guess I'll go down and give you a hand," he said to Beth.

"Why?" Beth sat down and turned while dropping, her fingers grabbing the ledge. She let go and fell the last couple of feet, landing far easier than Tink had. The rat jumped down without any issues, landing in a crouch. "You coming?"

"Yeah." He sat down like Beth had and slid forward, rolling over onto his stomach. Unlike Beth, his legs swung too far on his descent and he lost his grip. Tink and Beth managed to grab his shoulders, preventing him from smashing his head, but his combined weight carried them all to the floor with a bang. The air rushed from his lungs and something popped in his back, sending pain through his ribs.

"Husband okay?" The goblin was currently pinned beneath him, her voice muffled by his neck.

"Yeah, sorry." He stood up and checked his pockets. To his relief, the vials were still intact and his dagger was in place. He helped Tink stand. "Let's continue."

They stood in a long hallway which terminated at an elevator door. When it opened, he saw a familiar sight. It was the Rat King's throne room. He sat on his throne, leaning his head on one paw and holding his makeshift scepter in the other. The emerald gleamed in the lights of the room, and he saw that countless rats were piled along the edges, all turning to regard him. The Rat King sat up, adjusting his crown.

"You dare to bring humans here?" he hissed, smacking the butt of his scepter on the table of his highchair. "This is treachery!"

The rats around the room started closing in, teeth bared.

"Please, Your Majesty!" The speaker put himself between them and the rats, his hands outstretched. "They have come to get rid of the doll."

The rats withdrew, glittering eyes looking to one another and then the Rat King.

"Your champion has been defeated," the Rat king informed them. "We have trapped her in a church where she can do no harm."

"False." Beth spoke now, her eyes narrowing at the king. "Whatever prison you can put her in is temporary at best and will only stoke her fury."

"Who is this creature who speaks so freely in my court?" the king demanded.

"I'm a lawyer," Beth told them. "And I'm here to straighten this out." Mike nearly laughed when he saw the rats move away from her. It was clear they were uncertain what the word lawyer meant, and Beth showed no fear of them.

"Speak, lawyer." The Rat King stroked his beard.

"We are here to retrieve our friend Jenny. You destroyed her home in your attempt to scare us out of ours. If you let us retrieve her in peace, we would be happy to let you keep the rooms you have already claimed outside of the main house."

"You think you can come here and negotiate terms with me? I will accept nothing except your absolute surrender." He waved his scepter, the emerald glowing with a sinister light. "Even now, the portal to her church is being sealed as we speak. When we finish, she will be across the great waters in the old country."

"Seriously?" Mike stepped in front of Beth, his hand on the dagger. "We came here once to greet you with open arms and you dropped us down a hole. You trash my house, release dangerous spirits, and now you're going to trap my friend somewhere we can't find her?"

"Silence!" He slammed the scepter down again, the light flashing. From behind the highchair, a dark shape stepped free, drawing its blade. The suit of armor gleamed in the light of the desk lamp, the rats around it cheering wildly. The visor was up, and Mike could tell that it was empty. It was yet another automaton.

The Rat King pointed the scepter at Mike. The emerald sent a beam of light into the the suit of armor, light that swirled around it like a swarm of fireflies. "Kill him," he ordered. The suit of armor charged at Mike, blade held low to stab him in the gut.

"Fuck!" Mike braced himself for impact, but it never came. Tink had stepped around him, bringing down her heavy club on the outstretched sword. The club struck hard enough that it ripped the gauntlet holding the sword free of the suit.

"Tink hate metal man!"

She charged the armor, clobbering its legs. The metal bent inward, the suit limping awkwardly in a circle, still trying to get at Mike. She pounded it with the club, knocking it on to the ground where she stood over it, hollering and caving in the breastplate. She grabbed the helmet and ripped it off, tossing it into the crowd of rats that had been stunned into silence. Some of the closer ones ran at her, claws outstretched.

"Tink hate filthy pooping rats!"

Tink's movements seemed clumsy at first, but Mike realized that she was swinging the club hard enough that her whole body moved with it. She was using her entire body as a counterweight, allowing her swings to carry her around in a steadily growing circle. The first rat that made it to her was smashed, its limp body colliding with the one behind it. Tink was vicious, bringing the club around to kill those brave enough to get near her.

"And Tink hate you!"

Her wild swings had placed her in the center of the room, fifteen feet from the Rat King. She twisted the handle of the club and the metal pieces sprung outward, unfolding to reveal a thick hole in the top of the club. Several lenses flicked across her field of view, her goggles glowing from within. She fell onto her back, using her feet to aim the club at the Rat King.

She yanked on a metal latch and a harpoon, roughly half the length of the club, launched out of the opening, piercing the Rat King through the chest and pinning him to his chair. His eyes were frozen wide in surprise, the chamber now completely silent.

Tink grabbed the small cord attached to her spear and gave it a hard yank. The chair tipped forward, the rats scattering out of the way. When the Rat King fell to the ground, his scepter clattered across the floor where Beth quickly grabbed it. His tiny crown rolled across the floor and bounced off of Tink's bare feet. She picked up the crown and put it on her head.

"Goblin law. Tink kill king. Now Tink king." She picked her club back up, giving it another twist. The mechanism pulled the metal pieces back into place, and she hefted the club onto her shoulder. "Fight all challengers, smash into jam."

There were several moments of silence. The speaker of the rats finally broke it.

"You... you killed our king."

"Your king killed himself the moment he threatened me." Mike pointed at Tink, who bared her teeth at the rats. "You thought the doll was my champion, but you were wrong. Tink is my champion. And unless you're hiding an even bigger suit of armor or a sofa with chainsaw arms tied to it, I'm guessing that my champion smashed yours."

"That... that..." The speaker's mouth opened and closed several times. "I don't know what to say."

"Tink say give creepy doll back or Tink smash whole kingdom." She leered at the rats surrounding her. "Make rat paste, feed to snake face, order of new Rat King."

"She can't be king. She isn't even a rat!" The speaker shook his head. "They will never listen to you, only one of our own."

"But they might listen to you." Beth walked up behind Tink and took the crown off her head. "Maybe we can arrange a truce between your new kingdom and our own? You seem like a reasonable rodent, and a truce with the Radley House is preferable to what we could do next. I know a minotaur who is ten times scarier who would love to level this place just for the fun of it."

"This is... that is..." The speaker flinched away from her when Beth crouched down in front of him, but she gently placed the crown on his head. The rats in the room chittered amongst themselves.

"What do you think, Your Majesty?"

"I... I..." His whiskers twitched, and he turned to face the congregation. They all stared blankly back. Clearly this was a turn of events none of them had expected. He took off his glasses and pretended to polish the non-existent lenses. "Does anyone else lay claim to the throne?"

The rats in the room looked to each other and then at the fierce goblin in the center of the room. Perhaps there were some among them that had aspirations of royal grandeur, but Mike sincerely doubted that any of them wished to face Tink and her murderous club. A ripple started in the mass of fur as a small group of rats bowed, starting a chain reaction through the chamber. Eventually, the congregation had become perfectly silent, their tails lifted in the air and curling through that of their neighbor. Mike hadn't realized just how long their tails were.

The speaker rat stood just a little higher, his nose sniffing at the air.

"Very well then. I accept."

-

"You had a spear gun hidden inside your club?" Beth asked Tink. They were being led down a long hall surrounded by dirt, insulation, and drywall. The rats that were taking them threw cautionary glances at the group, clearly still afraid.

"Secret weapon for bad king." Tink smiled, all her teeth showing. "Rope in case of big fall, but work here too."

"You really are something." Mike patted her on the head, making her beam happily. He felt supremely bad about the whole encounter; he had been next to useless. Even Beth had been able to negotiate with them afterward while he just stood and watched.

Guess I can't fuck away all of my problems, can I? The stray thought made him snort out loud, and he ignored the look he got from Beth.

They finally arrived at a small hole in the wall. He could tell it used to be larger by the discolored material around it. The rats around the hole were chewing on a strange material and sticking it into place to plug the hole.

"By order of the king, cease!" The speaker had come with them, the crown perched magically atop his head. He now wore the red cloak of the old king, whom the other rats had promptly devoured. The new king had informed them that this was how they preserved their magic upon seeing their looks of disgust.