Home for Horny Monsters

Hi all! Annabelle here with the next chapter of HFHM!

I've gotten some very lovely comments/emails recently, but wanted to clear something up. When I mentioned this story arc ending soon, I was referring to Cecilia's capture by the faerie queen (ie, book 4), not HFHM as a series. I already have the plot outlined for at least four more books, and I will be perfectly clear that it is coming to an absolute end when that happens :)

Anyway, new reader? This tale is over half a million words in the making, and you're gonna be lost, so start at the beginning (unless confusion makes you horny, then traipse on, my confused friend!).

Returning reader? Welcome back! Hopefully you saw that I started posting a side series here on Lit (Dead and Horny) starring Dana and Lily. Click on my bio to find it and a release date for chapters this summer.

Also, thanks to everyone who remembers to rate/comment on my stories, not only does it help others find my work, but it also keeps my head in the game. I so enjoy writing this weird, convoluted tale of sex, monsters and adventure, and I plan to keep doing so for as many years as possible!

Anyway, I think the title of this chapter says it all, so I'm done yapping. Happy reading!

Shocking Developments

Mike stared at the piece of paper in front of him, then looked up. Jenny stood on the other side of the paper, holding a large pencil in both hands. She was tapping her foot impatiently.

He sighed. "How about W?"

Jenny drew the last leg on the hanging stick figure, then drew an X over each of his eyes. He heard a distant cackle come from all around the room, and she dropped her pencil.

He scrutinized the puzzle before him and then looked at her. Somehow, despite guessing all the vowels, the dashes on the paper were still largely empty.

"I'm starting to wonder if you actually know how to spell anything," he said.

The doll said nothing, but a book on a nearby shelf threw itself at him, and he dodged out of the way.

"Hey now, be nice." He picked up the book and set it on the table. "Okay, break time is over. I need to go through some more of these books. Here, I found this and thought you might want to play with it." He pulled a top out of his pocket and handed it over. Jenny took it from him and sat down on the edge of the desk and gave the top a spin.

Glad that the ghost seemed content for now, he dug into his books once more.

There was a puff of smoke, and Lily appeared in the seat across from him, her legs crossed and a sucker clutched seductively between her fingers.

"Hey there, Romeo." She gave the sucker a lick and then leaned forward. "Studying hard?" She was wearing a button-down blouse with dress pants, but her clothing fuzzed out and was replaced with a school girl's outfit. "Or studying while hard?"

"Trying to keep from getting fucked over by the faerie queen, actually. Where have you been?"

"Hunting, trying to twist the head off your shadow buddy, the usual." She leaned back and put her feet up on the desk, slightly spread apart so that Mike could see up her skirt. She was naked beneath it. "And you?"

He looked away from her crotch and into her eyes, suppressing the urge to shake his head. She really did enjoy toying with him, and he was determined not to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she still got to him, if only to aggravate her a little. "Getting ready to go into the Underworld any day now, actually. The back gate is a portal that goes there, so I'm hoping I can find another gate to the Faerie Realm once I'm inside."

Lily frowned and put her legs back down. "Shit, really?"

"Yep." He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Apparently there's something nasty on the other side of the gate that I might have to deal with. After that, it sounds like I just need to roam around Purgatory or whatever for just a little bit until I can find the portal I need to get to faerie land."

"Hmm." Lily furrowed her brow. "Romeo, you're aware of the danger of walking into the Underworld...right?"

Mike picked up the book he was looking at and turned it to face her. It showed a tree biting a man in half. "I've got some ideas. Can't tell which ones are any good. And once I get to the queen's court, I'm half expecting some form of betrayal once I'm there, so I've been trying to bone up on faerie law. The queen created this bargain, and I fully expect her to try and weasel out of it. The only thing I can find is that the bargain can be reneged or altered if one party challenges the other to a contest or a duel, but the other party has to agree to it. But it can't be made under duress, and the challenger gets to pick the location. I don't know how she'd make me break our agreement that way, but I should brush up, just in case."

"Enough about faerie law, let's go back to the Underworld. You're alive. You can't just waltz on in there, you'll draw so much attention." She snatched the book from his hand and slammed it shut. "From all sorts of spirits."

"You almost sound like you're worried about me."

"Eat a dick." Lily put the book in her lap. "That shadow is just on the other side of the veil. In terms of geography, that puts him wherever the fuck he wants to be, and now I wonder if he isn't waiting for you on the other side of the gate."

"I'm not going alone. I'm planning on taking Yuki. You could come too, if you want."

Lily scowled at him and then looked down at her book. "I shouldn't. That close to Hell, demons would sense me moving about and it would draw attention to you. Demons are curious like cats. They'd come just to see what I'm up to."

"What is it like? The Underworld, I mean, not Hell."

"Dreadfully boring. Everyone you meet there is a miserable bastard, but you probably won't even see that many people. A place like the Underworld isn't meant for the rules of reality as you know them. It's an infinite plane, generally devoid of distinguishing features. It can look different depending how you get there—maybe it's a cave, a river, whatever. You can read about it in almost every religion known to man, and almost every description has some truth to it."

"Is it safe, though? Like, it won't hurt me, will it?"

"The Underworld itself? Not really. You have to remember that souls migrate there naturally. I guess the best way to describe it is like a layer of primer beneath the paint of reality. However, the Underworld lies beneath all realities on account of the fact that everything dies eventually. Why are you asking me all this, hasn't Death told you all about it? I thought you two had a bromance for the ages?"

Mike shook his head. "Death just reaps souls, he doesn't follow them into the Underworld. I asked, and he doesn't know."

"Oh." Lily bit her lip and contemplated him for a moment. "Well, being serious, the Underworld itself can't hurt you, but a lot of things go there when they die, so you may run across something that can. And don't even bother asking me if it's something Yuki can handle, because I honestly don't know. Maybe wear your running shoes, just in case."

"Noted. How about time? If I go in, it won't be like the faerie realm, right? I don't want to walk through the gate and come back forty years from now."

"Nah, the time in there is messed up, but only in terms of perception. Five minutes there is five minutes here. What did Einstein say about time and pretty girls?"

"Something something relativity?"

"Exactly. The Underworld is kind of like that, except you're not talking to a pretty girl, you're holding your breath underwater. It was never intended to be a pleasant place, and I try to avoid it if I can. When are you planning to go?"

"Ratu has spent the last week mending the key that unlocks the gate, so as soon as she hands it over. The plan is to pop in for a quick reconnaissance and then come back."

"I see." She sighed and handed the book back over before standing. "Well, guess I'm off."

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To check with Beth to see if she can change your will. Technically my heart is part of her inheritance, and I don't need three masters after you eat it in the Underworld." She sashayed toward the door dramatically, then stopped at the exit. "I'll see if Dana wants to be my new mommy. She's not in a rush to die anytime soon, cause, well, you know."

"Appreciate the vote of confidence," he muttered once she was gone.

The will was technically finished, this much was true, but he wondered how inheriting magical items worked. Did they recognize human laws? Would Lily somehow be shared between Beth and Dana, or would she be Naia's alone? He looked out the window behind him, chin in hand. There was always the fear that he would fail, that something terrible was waiting to happen to him. But did he want to spend his entire life locked in this house, trying to get others to do his job for him?

"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" he asked Jenny.

The doll shook her head.

"I'm glad I've got one person who believes in me." He patted her head and resumed his studies. In a couple of hours, he would go check on Tink, and then this afternoon was supposed to be his turn with Quetzalli. He rubbed his wrist, thinking of the nasty shock she had accidentally given him a couple days back. She had asked him to show her how to throw a ball, and in the process of teaching her, she had zapped him from five feet away. Apparently, the movement required for throwing was all it took for her to unleash a nasty discharge, and he was grateful that his sixth sense had him crouching on the ground to minimize the damage.

He was about ready to move on when he heard a knock on the door. When he looked up, he saw Yuki standing there.

"Hey," he said, then stopped.

She was holding a dark, ornate key in her left hand, and when she lifted it into the light, he could see thin, golden lines spread throughout the metal.

"Is that really it?" he asked. "The key? It's fixed?"

She nodded. "Finished it this morning and thought you'd be gung ho to go check things out, so she had me wait to give it to you until I was rested up. Wanna go see what's on the other side of that gate? I figure we can take a quick peek and be back by dinner."

"I'm in. Hold on."

He picked Jenny up and took her back to the front room, where her doll house was. After he set her inside, he ran to the front yard and gave the sundial a twist, then went back inside and opened the closet by the front door. Inside was a backpack full of emergency supplies that he had packed earlier in the week, in case something went wrong on the other side. He didn't want a repeat of the faerie realm incident.

Yuki waited for him by the back door, and they walked into the backyard together. A week spent waiting and researching was about to come to fruition, and It was hard to keep the spring out of his step. When Naia spotted him, she smiled.

"Is the key fixed?" she asked.

"It is." He looked around. "We're only planning on going in and looking around."

"Isn't that what happened with the wardrobe?" she asked, then crossed her arms. Yuki coughed and turned away.

Mike frowned. Naia had a point. "Should I wait for someone else to come with me, then?"

Naia shrugged. "It's your call, lover. But you know something nasty is waiting for you on the other side of that door. You should at least have a way to call for help if you need it."

"That should be doable," said Yuki. She summoned a tiny white light in her hands and sent it out. "That will find Daisy, and she will come. It's how I would summon her from the tower. I think taking the others might not be a good idea if we're trying to avoid drawing attention to ourselves. I can keep an eye on you, but not on everyone else. If we run into trouble, we can come running back."

Mike sighed. He could potentially take some of the others, but Yuki was right. If they were just popping in for a look, it wouldn't do to try and keep track of everyone else, especially if they had to run for it. If the Underworld gobbled him up, then at least the others would be around to protect the house until he returned.

Besides, he was going to have to step into the unknown at some point. Was there any way to truly be prepared?

"Yeah, let's head in once Daisy is here." He looked at Yuki. "Are you ready?"

She smirked and held up a handful of tarot cards. "Unless you want to give me a couple decades to prep the rest of these, I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

The sundial was freshly turned, giving him twenty-four hours. Up on the roof, he could see Abella watching them. He waved and she gave him a thumbs up. He wondered if he should bring her, too, but thought again about what Yuki said.

"Let's do this, then." He cracked his knuckles and walked to the gate. He grabbed the padlock, the metal cold to the touch. He heard Yuki come up from behind him, and he held out his hand. Today would be one more step toward getting Cecilia back, and he felt like there should be far more fanfare involved with stepping into the Underworld itself.

Sadly, this was real life, not a movie. "Key?" he asked.

"Still waiting on Daisy," Yuki reminded him.

"Right." He let go of the padlock and tried not to look too sheepish. It was another ten minutes before the little ball of yellow light came around the corner of the house, and Daisy landed on Yuki's palm.

A quick sign language exchange between the two of them occurred, and then Daisy flew over to Mike and landed on his shoulder. The fairy gave him a playful kiss on the cheek, and he put his hand out for the key.

When Yuki put it in his hand, he felt a chill go through his body. He took the key and slid it into the lock, marveling at how it was such a tight fit. If not for the little lines of gold in the key, he wasn't able to tell where the key ended and the padlock began.

He twisted the key, and the lock opened with a click. He pulled off the padlock and hung it off of a nearby bar, and that's when he heard a loud thump from behind him.

"Abella?" He turned to see the gargoyle standing there. "Everything okay?"

"I will watch the gate," she explained. "In case someone other than you tries to come out."

"Good idea." He handed her the key. "If we're not back by tonight—"

"Then I will worry." She smiled and winked. "Call if you have need of me."

"Hopefully, I won't need to." He opened the gate, and the creak it made pierced him to the core. Even Abella winced at the sound, and once it was open far enough, he grabbed Yuki by the hand, just in case stepping through it might separate them.

"Let's see what the other side looks like," she said, then followed him through.

🏠🏠🏠

Dana scrutinized the controls in her hand, then looked over at Quetzalli. They were in the greenhouse, standing on the cliffs just inside its doors. Down below, the jungle stretched out for miles, and except for the centaur settlement in the distance, there was no other sign of life.

The dragon sat on the cliff's edge, her feet dangling over the thirty-foot drop. Heights didn't seem to bother her, and she was busy pointing at clouds and chatting animatedly to Dana about cloud formations.

Dana had learned to tune her out, but sometimes, in the middle of the night, she could think back on Quetzalli's explanation about how stratus clouds were a sign that the thermals were perfect for some long, lazy flights in the sky. She often wondered if the long lectures on weather were more due to Quetzalli's instinctual interest in sky maintenance (as she called it) or if she missed the sky itself.

"Oh!" Quetzalli looked over her shoulder, her hair sliding across her shoulders as she turned. "Do it now."

Dana nodded and sent the drone up. She had been unable to figure out what was causing all the interference and confusion for her drones, but Quetzalli had told her it was related to shifting electromagnetic fields, which she could sense. Apparently there were times during the day where Dana could fly safely for a few minutes, and she was at the point where she wanted to deliver something to the centaurs rather than more excuses.

Six drones lifted off of the ground and shot out across the jungle floor, each one on a pre-programmed path. Dana nervously watched Quetzalli, who was looking at the horizon with squinted eyes. The dragon would warn her if another shift in fields was coming, and all she could do was order the drones to land or return and hope they didn't get broken. There were at least five drones lost in the jungle below, and she figured at some point, Mike would notice the cost of them.

On her laptop, the data came in chunks, and she smiled in satisfaction as the first images of the valley floor appeared on her screen. Toward the bottom was the centaur tribe's settlement, and she smiled at the cluster of centaur children who had obviously heard the drone and stopped to wave at the sky.

"See? I told you." Quetzalli had come over, but was standing a respectable five feet away. Dana had instituted a five-foot rule for all electronics after her last laptop had been shorted by a curious finger. "To catch many fish, you must cast a wide net."

"Yeah, well I want a much wider net." Most of what she was seeing had already been mapped by the centaurs, and she felt like she really needed a win here. She had made zero progress with the locked door on the third floor, and had just found out yesterday that Mike was planning to go through the back gate with some magic key that Ratu was fixing. She had mixed feelings on not contributing to any of these endeavors directly, and hoped that some success with the centaurs would help her feel better.

The data was coming in, but now that the drones were further away, the live data feed was degrading. Dana now wondered if she should just set the drones to record and then have the centaurs track them when they inevitably fell from the sky.

A distant thunderclap washed over the cliffs, and Dana scrambled to send out a return message to all of the drones.

"They don't like to share their skies, you know?" Quetzalli was staring at a crop of clouds that had just appeared on the horizon. "They can be very territorial."

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon," Dana mumbled under her breath as she monitored the feeds from the drones. Two of them were coming straight back, and a third was trying to turn around. She wired into it directly and helped fly it back a short distance before doing the same with a fourth drone.

The fifth drone would no longer connect with her computer, and the sixth one vanished from her screen, the connection lost. The drones on their way back circled about like drunken birds.

"Damn, damn, damn!" She picked up the net that Tink had built for her. It was almost ten feet long, but had a wide mouth, and she stood on the edge of the cliff and used it to rescue the closest drone. Another one flipped upside down and crashed into the ground, and Quetzalli was able to grab one by the edges, hopefully sparing its internal components.

Dana rescued the fourth one with her net and watched helplessly as the fifth one out took a nosedive straight into the jungle below.

"Well, shit." She looked at where it fell and pulled a paper map out of her back pocket. She had printed it last week, and drew an X where she thought it had crashed. "Are those storm clouds?" she asked.

Quetzalli pointed toward the horizon. "Well, if you account for the rounded edges up top—"

"Please. Yes or no."

Quetzalli pouted. "Yes, but they have no rain in them. It isn't time yet."

Dana sighed and took the drones out of the greenhouse and placed them in a storage container by the front door. When she walked back inside, Quetzalli was crouched down on the ground, drawing figures in the dirt with a sharp stick she had found.

"I need to find that one that fell," Dana told her, then picked up her laptop and slid it into her messenger bag. "See if we can pull any data off of it."