Home for Horny Monsters

Hi all! Annabelle Hawthorne back with the next installment of "How else can I lewd Christmas this year!"

New reader? Welcome! You've got 84 chapters and two spinoff novels to catch up on the extensive lore, mythology, and general tom-fuckery I have accomplished on this wonderful website.

Returning reader? Secret handshake time![Redacted hand movements reminiscent of Cthulhu eating spaghetti]

Anyway, the time has come, get excited because you're about to get a three-tailed surprise along with pyrotechnics this chapter! If you're one of the awesome people still hanging around and handing over those delightful stars, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love this story, I love sharing it with you all, and knowing that so many of you appreciate all the hard work I put into it makes it easier for me to keep doing it.

Okay, you've been patient enough. Let's get this show on the road!

Hot and Cold

The ice cold winds of the arctic were blocked by large trees decorated with glowing Christmas bulbs the size of Kisa's head. Long cobblestone pathways were lined with 19th century lamps lit with magic rather than oil. They seemed to brighten as the trio walked beneath them, and Kisa stopped to ponder the swirling lights.

"Faerie magic," Holly explained. "Similar to the Northern Lights."

"I thought those had something to do with the Earth's magnetic field." Kisa wasn't sure how she knew this, but it sounded correct.

Holly nodded. "We're both right. There's the Northern Lights proper, and also some other stuff. Some indigenous people believe that their ancestors are up there, watching them from up above."

"Is that true?" Kisa asked.

Holly shrugged. "I couldn't say. There's a lot in this world that's a mystery, and I kind of like the magic that comes with not knowing."

Kisa nodded, then walked away. She didn't agree with Holly. Her early life was largely gone, eaten away by an enchanted collar. Complex emotions surrounded the magical object that had stolen her identity, yet given her a future where she thrived. She didn't feel the need to start trouble with the elf over her ideology, because Kisa wasn't entirely certain of her own.

Closing her eyes briefly, Kisa pictured her faceless grandmother. Knowing nothing else about the woman, it was at least nice to know that someone had once loved her. Maybe even now there was someone out in the world who sometimes wondered whatever happened to that little girl.

"Charged particles," Tink added, the Northern Lights reflected in the lenses of her goggles. "Maybe ghosts? Lots of magic."

"That's right, I almost forgot. The spell that lets Santa travel the world in a single night is wrapped up in those lights." Holly pointed. "If you watch, you can sometimes see where it looks like Christmas ribbons."

Kisa saw what Holly was pointing at, but was dubious. For all she knew, the Northern Lights just appeared that way and Holly was grasping for straws.

They walked down a wide cobblestone path, huddled close together as the storm reduced visibility. Pausing at an abandoned hot cocoa stand, Holly took a moment to get reoriented. The roads were starting to ice over, and the village around them was eerie. Only a few lights had been left on in the decorated buildings, but it was sporadic. The whole place looked like a Christmas-themed ghost town with gingerbread buildings and candy cane fencing. There wasn't a tree in sight that hadn't been adorned with garland or ornaments. She realized while they were waiting that the cobblestones beneath their feet were shaped like Christmas cookies.

Tink was busy trying to steal another cookie from Holly's pouch when Kisa felt a sudden chill run through her whole body. Her tail poofed out in fright as she grabbed Holly and Tink by the hand and pulled them away from the cocoa stand.

"What are you--" Holly said, but the cart behind them was suddenly surrounded by thick icicles that slammed into the ground from up above, creating an icy prison.

"Got you!" shouted Jack from down the road, unaware that they had already escaped.

"Stay low," Kisa warned, pulling them behind a cluster of trees until the chill dissipated. It would only be moments before Jack discovered they were on the run, and the snowy ground meant they were leaving tracks.

The weather intensified, snowflakes now turning to sleet and stinging her skin like frozen bees.

"She's going to catch us," Holly whimpered, clutching her hat against her head.

"She?" Thinking back to their previous encounter, Kisa could see it, not that it mattered. Her top priority right now was avoiding becoming a cat-sicle.

Kisa let her gut lead them further away. They ran along fences and down alleys, just missing capture more than once. A wall of ice nearly trapped them on the street, but a narrow space between buildings let them vanish off the main road. They squeezed between the two buildings, their petite frames just small enough to allow passage, then ran back along the buildings they had just passed. Kisa's whole body tensed up as the path in front of them erupted with ice.

"That was a waste of time." Jack dropped down from above, eyes glittering in the lamp light as she held her hands out. Swords made of ice circled her as she floated just an inch off the ground.

Off to the side, Tink started scooping snow into her hands.

"Please don't hurt us," Holly begged, putting herself between Kisa and Jack. "We don't want any trouble."

"I would worry far more about what he has planned for you." Jack tilted her head back to look down her nose at the trio. "A lot of work has gone into our plans here, and--"

A snowball exploded on Jack's shoulder, leaving behind a smudge of white on her fancy lapels. Chuckling, she brushed the snow off of her shoulder and looked at Tink, who had thrown it.

"A snowball fight? Please. I invented that."

Undeterred, Tink wound up her whole body and hurled a second snowball, her tail snapping behind her like a whip. Jack waved a hand dismissively, causing the snow to explode harmlessly into a cloud of fluff.

Though the snow was gone, the stone Tink had packed inside the snowball continued forward, smashing into Jack's nose. She let out a grunt, then fell backward onto her ass while clutching her face. Purple blood leaked out from between her hands, and she stared at them in shock.

"Tink invent fighting dirty." The goblin stuck out her tongue and flipped Jack the bird.

Seeing a chance to escape, Kisa grabbed Holly and ran. Tink was right behind them, and they turned a corner just as the ice and snow behind them erupted.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Kisa saw an open doorway and pulled the others into it. The door was locked, but Tink was already using a tool that looked like a pocket knife to jiggle the lock.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Jack's voice rose above the din of the storm, and Kisa felt the chill spread throughout her body. Tink opened the door and the three of them moved inside, then locked the door behind them. They were in some sort of storage area with giant bags of flour.

They left the storage room behind and moved through the building. The storm outside escalated, and Kisa heard Jack's howls of rage as if they were the wind itself.

"Oh, she's big mad," Holly whispered.

"Yeah, well, that storm of hers should have buried our footprints." Kisa found a windowless room full of boxes. When she went inside, the chill in her body dissipated, her danger sense no longer ringing alarms. "Here should be safe."

"For now." Holly moved over to the corner and knelt down. "But I think it's going to be hard to move around out there until that storm dissipates. And the cold is only going to get worse."

"Still plenty time before freeze to death." Tink smiled. "Maybe eat more cookies until then."

"Why are you so hungry?" Kisa shook her head. "You need to eat more protein or something. All these carbs are bad for you."

"Maybe kitty cat needs eat Tink's ass." Tink blew a raspberry. Holly held her stomach and groaned.

"What we need to do is figure out--" Kisa felt a familiar tugging sensation in her body. It was Mike, and he was relatively nearby. "Is there a heating vent in here?"

"I don't think so," Holly replied. "Not in this room, anyway."

"Then I think Mike is out of the ducts." Kisa moved toward the far wall and pressed her forehead against it. Closing her eyes, she tried to reach across the distance and make contact with him. It took a couple of minutes for her heart to stop racing, and her senses to expand outward. She could sense him much better now, could feel the aches and pains in his body. Had he been in a fight? It was hard to tell, but he was in good spirits.

Still, she couldn't quite make that final connection. He was distracted, but happy. She rolled her eyes as she opened them, wondering who he was fucking this time.

"Husband safe?" Tink asked.

"Yeah, he's safe." Kisa slid down the wall. "We need to stay here for a bit anyway until Frosty the snowbitch wanders off...sorry, Holly."

Holly waved off the apology, her features pale. "It's fine, I've come to expect potty language from both of you. We're in the bakery, so there are some tunnels that go through the village. If we use those, we may be able to move toward Mike while escaping Jack."

"Tink tired of snow." The goblin pulled some tools from her belt and set to wiping them dry with a towel. "Everything wet and dumb."

"Then it's settled. You get us to those tunnels, and I'll point the way back to Mike." Satisfied with their plan, Kisa stood and brushed the snow out of her fur. "I don't see any reason to wait. Lead the way."

They moved cautiously out into the hallway, then walked down to a pair of double doors that opened into a large industrial kitchen. Giant bronze ovens surrounded them, and the air was rich with the smell of baked bread and cookies. Kisa had to keep Tink moving, as the goblin kept stopping to pick up baked goods that had been left behind.

"You're seriously not that hungry," she told Tink, pushing her from behind.

"Tink always hungry," Tink declared, stuffing her pockets with undecorated gingerbread men. "Maybe no share, now."

Kisa grinned, a handful of gingerbread men already tucked away in her own pockets. If these tasted half as good as the ones Holly had, she was going to need her own stash.

"So they bake all the cookies here?" Kisa looked around at the large room, noticing a shelf with a bunch of elf-sized chef hats.

"No. This is one of the side bakeries. You should see the main bakery, it looks like a giant cake from the inside! Each level makes a different kind of treat, and..." Holly's exuberance faded. "Actually, it doesn't matter. Until we get Santa back, it isn't worth seeing."

Kisa looked at Tink, who just shrugged. They continued through the bakery in silence, the howling wind outside making the whole building creak. They walked through four different rooms with ovens, eventually moving down a service tunnel that terminated in a big metal door embossed with a large cookie.

"Looks a bit extreme," Kisa noted as they approached.

"All of the buildings have these. It's to keep the air flowing properly in each building. Here, look." Holly pushed the heavy door open to reveal a short tunnel that had gone dark. Kisa turned on her flashlight to reveal another door at the end of the hallway. "We let one door close before we open the next one, like an airlock. Otherwise, you can cause doors to slam in another building, or similar problems. We actually used that trick once to blow a bad smell out of the main bakery--someone burned a giant batch of cookies."

"How did that happen?" Kisa asked.

Holly gave Tink a dirty look. "Let's just say that there were bigger problems that night, and the cookies got neglected."

Kisa was about to ask for details when she heard something crash behind them in the building they had just left. They all paused and stared at the door they had just come through.

"That doesn't lock, does it?' she whispered.

Holly shook her head. "We're inside the village, we've never had to worry about--"

There was another crash, followed by a guttural growl. It sounded like baking racks were being tossed around. Kisa felt that ominous fluttering in her belly as the growling intensified, and she pulled the others toward the tunnel door.

"We need to leave," she told them, pulling the door open. "Right now."

Holly stared at the bakery door as if hypnotized. Tink grabbed the elf by the shoulders and dragged her through the door. Kisa followed them through, making sure the door didn't bang shut. The long hallways were clean, and some distant lights were still on, but they were flickering.

"That's creepy and I hate it." Kisa's tail flicked as she pointed generally to the right. "Mike is that way."

"Hmm." Holly started walking down the hall, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "That would put him much closer to the Workshop than I'd like. I really hope he didn't reappear there, because that's ground zero for trouble right now. Would far prefer if he showed up in the dorms, or even the stables."

"Stables?"

"Yeah. For the reindeer." Holly held her hands up over her ears, as if they were antlers.

"Unless the Krampus got to them." Kisa frowned. "He's rounding up all the elves, but would he have any use for the reindeer? And other than erasing Santa, what's his deal anyway?"

Holly shrugged and kept walking. The trio wandered the tunnels for well over an hour, pausing every so often to have Kisa check Mike's location. They were getting closer, which meant Mike was stationary. They took a break in an attempt for Kisa to reach out to him, but his mind was abuzz with activity. Frustrated, she was forced to give up.

The giant metal doors they saw all had different symbols on them. One had a sleigh, another bore a wreath. Kisa saw one that looked like a reindeer, only something seemed odd about the engraving. The symbols of Christmas often repeated and blurred together as the trio wandered the dark tunnels beneath the North Pole. The lack of decor in the tunnels proper made it difficult to tell how far they'd traveled or even where they were.

"Wait." Kisa held up her hand and closed her eyes. "We're moving away from him now. He's...that way." She pointed off to her left and slightly up.

"Let's go back a door," Holly said. "Does he feel nearby?"

"I think so. Hard to say."

"About fucking time," Tink grumbled. "Feet hurt."

Holly groaned and turned away from the two of them, mumbling to herself about Tink's naughtiness.

"With any luck, you can take a nap or something. I can tell you're hungover." Kisa wrapped her arm around the goblin's waist and gave her a squeeze.

"Tink no get hungover. Just extra...grumpy." She bared her teeth in a false smile and moved in step behind Holly. They came to a door engraved with interlocking baked goods, like muffins and cookies.

"Guess you guys are gonna see that big cake after all." Holly pushed open the door and was shoved forward by a gust of wind that blew through the tunnel. Kisa and Tink followed behind her, then pushed the door shut.

"I thought it wasn't supposed to--" Kisa stared at the entry door on the other side of the room. It had been ripped free of its hinges and tossed aside. A cold tingle formed in her gut as she turned to face the door they had closed. There hadn't been an air current in the tunnels earlier, which meant that somewhere, another set of double doors was open.

Holly pointed at the discarded door. There were claw marks in the metal. "The Krampus," she whispered, her eyes wide.

"So he pulled that door down and--"

"Shh!" Tink put her ear against the door to the tunnel and scowled. "Tink hear stupid demon fuck yelling."

"Tink!" Holly's protest was barely a squeak.

"We go now." Tink pulled free the hammer from her belt along with a screwdriver. "Krampus use tunnels, follow wind flow, find pretty elf."

"But he has to be miles away!" Kisa ran up the ramp with Holly in tow as Tink walked into a corridor surrounded by shredded bags of flour.

"He's fast," Holly said. "He was distracted with Alabaster last time, but he's on his way. You can count on it."

"Shi...ush." Kisa corrected herself, stretching the word abnormally long. They ran along the corridor, past tiny forklifts and wheeled trolleys. After a set of double doors with star-shaped windows, they were in a curved hallway with an incline.

"This is the outside of the cake," Holly said. "We have to go up just a bit, and then around."

"Whatever you say, cake lady." Kisa looked back down the hall, half expecting to hear clawed feet scratching the floor.

The main bakery smelled musty, as if someone had spilled bad flour. Holly continued leading the way, her features pinched as they moved through the building. Every fifty feet or so, another set of double doors with a different shape cut in the window greeted them, all of them damaged in some way.

"It's almost like he broke them just because," Kisa muttered, staring at a set of doors. "He must really hate it here."

Holly nodded. "In the beginning, he and Santa were supposed to be a team. I don't know what happened, but this place became everything the Krampus hated. He--" She paused, then sniffed the air. "Do you smell that?"

Kisa sniffed, catching the faint tickle of gingerbread. "It's probably just the cookies we took," she admitted.

"No, these smell fresh. But if the ovens had been abandoned, they would have burned by now." The elf turned on her heels and sprinted up the hall. "Maybe some of the other elves are still around!"

"Ugh, Tink gonna barf." The goblin was dragging behind now, doing her best to keep up. Kisa did her best to keep Holly in her sights without leaving Tink behind, but eventually the elf disappeared around a corner.

"Shit!" Kisa turned around, her hands on her hips. "Why are you so tired all of the sudden?"

"Too many cookies." Tink grinned weakly.

"Have you been fucking eating those this entire time?"

"Yup!" Tink gagged, made a face, then stuck out her tongue. "Maybe eat some of them twice."

"Gross!" She grabbed Tink's hand and pulled her forward. "We need to find Holly, so c'mon!"

Tink flipped some lenses on her goggles. "Left ahead," she said, upon seeing the length of the next corridor. Kisa and Tink followed whatever trail the goblin was tracking until they came to a golden door with light shining from underneath. They pushed it open cautiously, then slid inside.

It was a giant assembly line. Belts carried gingerbread men with horns through a giant room, stopping at small stations where small packs of elves decorated them. The elves had gray skin and egg white eyes, as if the color had been bleached out of them. Even their outfits were drab and faded.

Holly was kneeling on the floor just in front of them, her face buried in her hands as she sobbed.

Kisa didn't even have to ask what was going on. The few elves that looked up to see the newcomers stared at them with disinterest, their bodies going through the motion of decorating the cookies. The baking ovens up above flooded the room with enough heat that Kisa wanted to take off her vest.

"We'll never free them if we don't keep going," she told Holly. "So let's go."

"Some of them are my friends," Holly whispered between sobs. "What if they're broken forever?"

"Then we'll see how many pieces we can put back in the puzzle. Trust me, being broken doesn't mean your life is over." She pulled Holly to her feet just as Tink made a horrible noise behind them. Kisa looked back to see that the goblin had puked up at least a pound of cookies. The goblin followed up this feat with a round of swear words and spitting.

"That's disgusting," Kisa said, but noticed that the elves had all stopped, their eyes now on Tink. Their features twisted and distorted as they pondered the goblin, anger flitting across their features.