Home for Horny Monsters

Hi all! Here is the next chapter of part 3!

New to HFHM? I write these posts as chapters, so you should start at Chapter 1 if you want to know what is going on.

Returning? Great to see you again! I love the community of readers here at Lit for being so supportive and I plan to keep putting HFHM here as long as you keep encouraging me to write it!

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Roommate Trouble

Beth sat at the large dining room table with a small plate of bacon, some coffee and a large plate with the remnants of a strawberry crepe. She scribbled a few more words on a notepad by her laptop, frowning at the list.

"Any luck?" Sofia asked, walking in with her own breakfast. The cyclops took the seat across from Beth. A few of the seats in the formal dining room had been designed for larger people, allowing the cyclops to sit comfortably at the table. As far as Beth could tell, the table was made of one piece of wood, which was impossible unless it had been built inside the room. Even then, the piece of wood it had come from would have been larger than the door. So unless the room and house had been built around it, it had to be magic related.

"Sort of." Beth held up her list. "As far as I can tell, a lot of stuff that is missing can be tracked down to a shop in Colorado that buys and sells weird shit, which saves me plenty of time. However, they aren't answering their phone, so I'm not sure where to go from here." Over a week ago, Beth had discovered an unknown storage unit belonging to the home's previous owner and had gone to investigate. She hadn't known at the time that some of those objects would be magical, nor did she expect the home itself to be an immensely powerful magical item. The discovery had both thrilled and terrified her. A large box had been sold at an auction by mistake, and now the unknown objects were out there somewhere like ticking bombs, ready to wreak havoc.

"Well, I suppose it's for the best. It's not like the Society can use any of those to get in and attack us anymore. Not as long as Mike winds the sundial every morning." Once Mike twisted the sundial, he had twenty four hours to twist it again. The magical stone lions out front would smash anybody who stepped into the yard and posed a threat to the house.

"Is it though? The assumption is that anything kept here was kept for a reason. We assume the furniture is just furniture, but who knows?" Beth chewed on her lower lip, her eyes on her computer screen. What were you up to Emily, she wondered.

"Well, let's just hope that-" Sofia's large purple eye glowed intensely, indicating a psychic vision of imminent danger. She reached across the table and grabbed Beth by the front of her robe, then pulled her across the dark wood, scattering both of their breakfasts onto the floor.

Above where Beth had been sitting, the plaster of the ceiling cracked and burst, two figures falling through onto the table below, their bodies aglow in blue light. Through the dust, Beth saw Mike scramble to his feet, his face covered in white powder with the fairy Cerulea clinging to his lips. He grabbed Tink and yanked her clear. A thousand pounds of gargoyle crashed through behind them, the sudden weight causing the table to splinter and break. Her wings splayed out, knocking the chairs away from where she landed.

"Abella, are you okay?" Beth knelt down by the gargoyle. Abella opened her dark eyes and let out a disappointed sigh.

"Yeah. My pride took a hit though. My wings got caught up and I couldn't do much but slow my fall." She stared up into the opening above them. There was movement behind the dust.

"Cheese eating fuck-faced rat!" Tink pulled a hammer off of her belt and hurled it at the opening above them from her place on the floor. The moment it left her hand, a brown figure stuck its face out through the smoky cloud only to be struck by the heavy tool. The rat, about a foot tall, fell out of the hole to land on Abella. Abella grabbed the rodent by the scruff of the neck, but it had gone limp, already dead.

"Gross. Looks like you got him." Beth said.

"One of many." Mike stood on shaky legs. "I'm honestly at a loss here. They actually laid a trap for us."

"Who did?" Beth put out an arm, helping Mike to the wall.

"The rat king." MIke sneezed, a cloud of dust leaving the top of his head and revealing the brown hair beneath. "Little bastard informed us that this home belonged to him, and then he pulled an actual cord which opened a trap door beneath us."

"Sounds like diplomacy failed then."

Mike laughed, then coughed. "Yeah. I told them they were welcome to stay, but apparently that isn't good enough. Little fucker is giving us a week to clear out before he makes us leave. Little shit."

Beth fought the grin behind her lips. "Did he have a crown?"

"Really? That's what you want to ask?" Mike coughed, then sneezed, another cloud of dust floating away from his hair. After several seconds, his lips curled into a smile. "Yeah. I don't know, maybe they found a soda can or something and chewed it into shape."

"So what next?"

"Smash them all." Tink had reclaimed her hammer, her eyes on the hole in the ceiling. "Make rat jam, feed to snake witch."

"That's one option." He walked beneath the hole. "Oh, and the tunnels the rats are using make no sense by the way."

"How so?"

"Take a look." He dug through his pockets and pulled out a flashlight. The beam was visible in the dust filled hole, revealing a series of pipes, vents and what looked to be a tiny door about twelve feet up.

"That would put that room..." Beth thought about the layout of the house. "In the middle of the hall."

"Yep. It's like the cave and the Labyrinth. Interdimensional." He looked at Abella and Tink. "For now, I guess we need to get cleaned up and maybe patch this hole. I don't want the rats following us down here. Then I'm going to see what Naia knows."

"Stupid fucking rats." Tink stormed off, likely headed to the garage where her toolbench was. Mike and Abella followed her, the floor creaking eerily under her heavy footsteps. Sofia and Beth watched the hole above, but there was no further movement. After a few minutes, Beth picked up the dead rat.

"What are you going to do with it?" Sofia asked.

"I'm going to see what a snake witch knows about sentient rats." She knelt down to pick up her broken coffee mug. "And get some more coffee. Are you good here?"

"Yes." Sofia pulled a small knife from her belt and gave her wrist a flick. It unfolded itself several times, becoming a thin blade nearly five feet long. "I think I've got a handle on the situation."

"Great. Thank you." Beth wandered to the kitchen for a new cup of coffee with a smile on her face.

It was going to be another fun-filled day.

***

Beth finished what was left of her coffee, then set her mug down on her dresser. She picked up her backpack, the contents rustling. She had stuffed the rat in a couple of grocery bags, hoping it wouldn't start to stink too soon.

The closet in Beth's room was terribly small. At most, she could hang a few clothes and maybe put in a reasonably sized shoe bench. However, if she turned the knob a certain way, the interior of the closet opened to a large cave that would take her down to the Labyrinth. She had made the trip several times, enough that she was starting to recognize some of its features. With no light to see by, she carried a rechargeable flashlight. The cave opened out into an enormous underground complex with a switchback path that led down to the cave proper. The path was tediously long, and she had already asked Tink what it would take to install a more convenient flight of stairs that went to the bottom. The little goblin had promised to get to it once they finished fixing up the house.

The cavern was lit by intensely glowing moss, the Labyrinth below lit by torches. She walked past the reflecting pool, stopping to look at her reflection. The pool was a shortcut back to the house. It was convenient not to have to climb up the path, but she would have to change clothes or have Naia dry her out. It wouldn't matter if she stayed here too long - the closet would close itself up after an amount of time.

There was a metal panel in the floor that would open the Labyrinth, but Beth heard the large iron doors rumbling long before she even got there. The dark gap between the doors revealed the minotaur waiting within, his axe clutched tightly in his hands. He relaxed when she drew near, slinging his weapon over one shoulder.

"Greetings, friend." His voice was a low, syrupy rumble that made Beth's stomach flutter. While Asterion was not the best conversationalist, his body was all muscle and his large cock had made their initial meeting extremely exciting, though it had made walking uncomfortable for a day or so. Just the memory of his dark, thick cock sliding into her made her feel a little dizzy.

"Are you okay?" Asterion sounded concerned.

"Right as rain." She had spaced out for a second. She gave the minotaur a quick hug, her arms sliding around his waist. "I need to see Ratu. We have a problem upstairs that she may be able to help with."

"Hmmm." He turned around and looked back at her. "Then we should go now."

Asterion led her through the long halls of the Labyrinth, taking her through shortcuts that would suddenly appear before them. Occasionally looking back, Beth got chills watching the paths disappear. The Labyrinth itself was much like a living creature, clearly run by a magical mechanism that ensured it was constantly changing in places. They ended up in an underground tunnel, the sound of water rushing over them. Beth wondered if the tunnel had always been there, or if Ratu herself had carved it out while in her giant snake form.

Asterion grabbed Beth by the hand to steer her around part of the passageway that looked no different from the others. The Labyrinth was heavily booby-trapped, and when she looked back, she still couldn't see what he had actually steered her around.

"What would have happened if we had gone through the middle?"

"Crushed. Then drowned." When they neared the other side, he slid in between a couple of stalagmites. She stepped through with him and discovered another side cave. Every time he escorted her through the Labyrinth, it was a different path. She wondered how he kept track of it all.

Asterion barely fit through a narrow gap in the wall, but when he emerged, it was into the bright central chamber of the Labyrinth. Half of the chamber was stacked full of magical items and treasures with long tables dedicated to their organization. The other half of the chamber was neat and tidy with a small oriental temple in the corner. It was only about twenty feet tall and looked like it would fit in perfectly at a golf course, but Beth knew that the temple was actually larger on the inside. Large silken clothes were hung, flapping in the light of the torches that had self-ignited when they arrived.

Up above, a large gemstone gave off light like a tiny sun, warming the cavern. It was held in place by a series of chains hooked to the rocks below.

"I will get her." Asterion sat Beth down at a table with a small tea set and a journal. Oddly enough, a pretty silver necklace with a blue stone hung from a small display stand in the middle. Beth set her backpack down and poured herself some tea. Steam floated up from her cup. She added just a touch of honey from the jar by the tea set, stirring it in with her spoon.

Several minutes passed. Beth had crossed her legs, the one on top bouncing anxiously. She caught movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to look. The blue pendant swung like a tiny pendulum. At first Beth thought she had bumped the table, but realized her legs had been nowhere near it. The necklace did seem quite pretty, however, and she leaned forward to get a better look at it.

The way the gem had been cut, it seemed to be infinitely deep. She couldn't see out of the other side, instead staring into an azure abyss with a tiny light at the end. Puzzled, she lifted it up to get a good look at it from underneath.

"Nice try." Ratu snatched the necklace out of Beth's hands, making her jump. She held the gem between her scaly fingers, gently placing it back on its holder. "You'll have to do better next time."

"Excuse me?"

"I apparently need to remind you that you aren't supposed to be touching anything while you are here."

Beth's cheeks flushed. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Ratu's features softened. She had a slightly oriental look to her, punctuated with patches of snakeskin with long dark hair that Beth would kill for. She wore a pretty red kimono today with a gold band around the middle. "I'm afraid the fault partly lies with me. I wasn't expecting anyone down here today and this thing certainly does grab your attention."

"What is it?"

"Just something I found by the lake. Don't worry, it isn't related to the thing we destroyed out there." She was referring to a powerful otherworldly artifact she had Mike destroy that nearly killed them both beneath the frozen lake. "However, this thing would seem to fairly dangerous in its own right."

"What does it do?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." Ratu waved the long sleeve of her kimono over the necklace and it disappeared. Once gone from sight, Beth felt her interest in it decline exponentially. It was like the necklace had hypnotized her or something. "What brings you here today? More news on our missing artifacts?"

"I wish." Beth opened her backpack and pulled out the bagged rat. She handed it to Ratu who opened the bag and pulled the deceased rodent out by the base of its tail. "What do you know about this?"

"It's a rat." Ratu tossed it on the table. "A very big one. And it stinks."

"It attacked Mike. It's part of a kingdom of rats living between the walls of the house."

"Kingdom?" Ratu lifted an eyebrow. "Is there an actual rat king?"

"Yeah. Mike said he even had on a crown."

"Interesting. So they are capable of communicating and at least sub-human intellect?"

"I guess so. Know anything about them?"

"Not really. A rat king is actually a term for something else, but now I wonder if that's just a misinterpretation. What else do you know about this king of rats?"

"He told Mike that we all had to move out, then dropped him through a trapdoor."

"Fascinating." Ratu stroked her chin, deep in thought. She waved her free hand and the teapot floated in the air to pour another cup of tea. Milk and honey were added before the cup hopped across the table and then into Ratu's hand. "A rat king is supposedly just a mass of rats connected at the tail, but maybe that's a metaphor for something else. However, it is considered a bad omen to see one, which I bet is not a metaphor. It usually signifies famine, plague or something else equally bad."

"You mean like a rat army? I would call that bad enough."

"Indeed." Ratu sipped at her tea. "And you said they had chewed a hole in the house?"

"They live in between the walls, and used their own shit to block off the locks on the new second floor. We assume they are living in all of those rooms butt don't know for sure yet."

"I heard about the clogged locks. So they have claimed a stake in the house and made a further claim on the rest of the home." She shook her head. "I'm afraid that I don't have a quick fix for you. There was a magic item in the missing objects list that would turn the wearer into a cat, but I'm afraid that's the best I have off the top of my head. I don't know that becoming a cat spirit would do any good unless you were willing to catch and kill them all one at a time."

"Well, I was wondering..." Beth shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, you do turn into a giant snake and all."

"Indeed I do. Were you thinking I could maybe go devour them?" Ratu grinned, her canines temporarily elongating into snake fangs. "I try not to eat things I don't know anything about. I also hate the taste of rat."

"It didn't hurt to ask. Well, so far anyway." She smiled weakly. "However, the problem persists. We have a colony of rats led by a king that we need to find a way to be rid of. Maybe you know a spell, or something like that?"

"Perhaps. It is something I would like to think on. It troubles me that they were able to chew a hole into the house. You see, if I were to take a hammer to one of the walls, I would find myself in the next room. The way the house has unfolded itself tells me that time and space have been compressed. If I could do what they have, then I would find myself in between the walls of an infinitely large space as well."

"The house is infinitely large?"

"In a way. The same way it has been compressed to conceal rooms, it can be decompressed to make everything much larger. That, and the home itself is a nexus for many other places, this Labyrinth being one of them. It wasn't constructed in the home, rather, it existed somewhere else first and then was connected here. If we were to dig a hole deep enough or perhaps get a ladder large enough, we may be able to find the edge of this space and stumble into the next. Much like the greenhouse, except I am fairly certain that the greenhouse is a constructed world existing in its own dimension."

"Wow."

"Indeed. The Architect was, at the very least, a demigod, or great friends with one. The walls of this home may be made of wood and plaster, but the fabric of reality has been stretched tight and stitched together in a way that even I can't fully understand. That's why cracks were appearing when the Society was assaulting the geas. They were unraveling those magical threads."

Beth's head swam with the implications. "So if you can stitch two places together, it's like a shortcut? Like, I could stitch my closet to somewhere in Hawaii and just go there?"

"Yes. However, the Architect didn't just make a shortcut. Using your analogy, imagine that you stitched Hawaii to your closet, and then cut it away from the rest of the world. The only way to get there would be through your closet and you now have your own private island. Well, if you decide to kill off the population anyway."

"So what happens if my closet gets destroyed?"

"One of three things. Hawaii returns to where it used to be. Hawaii ends up somewhere else. Or complete annihilation." She held up a finger for each. "Atlantis was an entire continent that vanished. The Atlanteans were infamous for their ability to tie two places together. It took them several years, but they were able to cut themselves away from the world by slowly stitching their eastern borders to their western borders. Somewhere out there in the universe is an island nation that cannot be reached from the outside world save for a couple of loose threads in the fabric of time and space. To step through those gaps would take you to the lost continent. I worry that these rats may have the ability to loosen the threads holding the house together. Doing so could expose us to nearly anything or anywhere."

"Shit."

"Well said." Ratu sipped at her tea. "My recommendation for the problem is extermination. I would suggest fire, but the last thing you want to do is set fire to a part of the house that hasn't revealed itself yet."

"Extermination." Beth frowned. Was that something Mike would do? He seemed to take his position as Caretaker fairly seriously, but she wondered if he would even consider such a thing.

"Something else to consider. You don't just end up with magical rats, not in a house like this. Someone had to let them in. I'm thinking your resident nymph should have some information."

"Mike is taking care of that now, I'm sure." Beth stood up. "I mustn't stay long. If you think of anything, please let me know."