Home for Horny Monsters

Hi, all!

Annabelle Hawthorne here with the final installment of Book 8 of Horny Monsters. I spent well over a year writing this, and I appreciate your patience in waiting for it to come to an end (no, this isn't the end of Horny Monsters, sorry randos who keep bombing my reviews cause you're big jelly)

New reader? Hey, welcome to the party! We started with a bathtub blowjob, and now we have four spinoffs novels and this is the end of Book 8. Probably not where you want to start, but the good news is that you're living in the future and can binge this shit instead of waiting for it like the lackluster finale of Stranger Things (which actually began before this story did). But hey, if you really need to read this one first, you do you, boo.

Returning reader? Welcome back! This is it, my friends, the exciting finale of Book 8. Do we still have some exciting revelations to be had? Yes. Are we tying off story threads after almost two years of posting them? Yes. Are there snacks? Yes, but only if you brought them with you.

Thanks again for all your support over the years. I super appreciate getting a chance to chase this dream full time, and could never imagined how far I would have gotten. Thanks for all the reviews, the ratings (still thousands of you who just ignore them, I have no idea why) and the letters over the years. I have already started book 9 and will start posting those chapters here once we wrap up Dead and Horny 3.

Don't forget to check my bio for release dates, I stick to them pretty well, along with any important updates.

I don't have a clever segue into today's chapter. Can't win them all.

A Caretaker and Conqueror Be

Death held open the door as Mike limped into the house with Beth's aid. He thanked her as she helped him into the loveseat, all of them silent to avoid waking the children who had pushed the coffee table out of the way and were snuggled up on the floor of the living room, fast asleep. Grace was curled into a ball in Callisto's arms, the centaur's cheeks stained from his tears. Zel looked up from her silent vigil, a question hanging in the air between them.

"This way," Beth whispered, gesturing toward the office. "Give him a minute while we talk."

"The others are around," Zel said as she walked past Mike, her hooves clicking on the floor. She touched his face and he leaned into it, letting out a soft sigh. "They figured you might need a moment alone once you got back. The last few days have been...difficult."

Mike nodded, then sat quietly with his children watching them sleep. He sent a mental message to Charlotte, letting the others know that he planned on having things ready in the morning, his time, when she could bring over everyone from Avalon. His initial plan was to take them to the island where Leilani and her people could give them a once over and help document everyone. Ordinarily, he would ask Zel if she and the Moon Tribe could do it, but now wasn't the time to ask for something like that. Once they knew how many people there were, they could figure out the best way to distribute and care for them long-term. He certainly wasn't about to cram a hundred strangers into his home all at once.

The vampyr's pleasure radiated back through their connection, then went calm again as she went back to caring for her people.

Death moved to the other side of the room and started prepping a cup of tea. The Grim Reaper looked up at Mike and pointed to an extra cup.

"Please," Mike said. Between the injuries he had sustained and what had happened with the Queen, a new level of exhaustion had overtaken him. He waited while Death made him a drink, and tried not to look at the office when he heard a quiet sob from Zel. Beth had likely shared the news about the missing centaurs. Today's victory would forever ring hollow due to those who had been lost.

Death came over and sat on the arm of the loveseat, then handed Mike one of the cups. The sweet scent of chamomile filled his sinuses as he held the cup in his hands.

"I was scared for them," Death said, his gaze on the children. "It was a special kind of helplessness, really. I was forced to confront the possibility that something bad might happen and I would be helpless to prevent it, or even to take revenge." The Grim Reaper shook his head as Mike patted him on the knee. "Are you familiar with this feeling?"

"Yeah. I was scared for everyone." Mike leaned back in his seat and looked at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and let the smell of his tea wash over him, feeling the warmth in his fingers. It was good to be home.

"Is this what love feels like?" asked Death.

Mike sat forward and looked at his friend. "I need you to be more specific."

"I've heard mortals say that they would die for someone they loved." The Grim Reaper contemplated the children on the floor, his eyes now burning a dim white. "Though I myself cannot die, I wondered more than once what price I could pay to release Gracelynn Radley from her accusations." Death flattened a bony palm against his sternum. "I have never had a heart, and yet I felt a pain in here at the thought of such tragedy. Is love supposed to hurt?"

"It can and often does. Love can take many shapes, even if you don't understand it. But you shouldn't be surprised, Death. Every day that you're here, you are surrounded by it in all its different forms. It's not just our love for others that you see. It's for you as well. You are my friend, and I love you." Mike smiled at the Reaper. "My children love and adore you. Some of the others probably feel similarly, but that is for them to say, not me. If you think you feel the same, then you should tell them as well."

"You love me?" Death scratched at his chin. "Is it okay for friends to love each other?"

"It is," Mike replied. "Loving someone is being afraid that you will never see them again, or being hurt when they're hurting. You can love anyone you want to as long as you're respectful about it."

"I see." Death moved to kneel by the children. He gently brushed a lock of hair away from Callisto's eyes, then patted Grace on the head. "Then I love your children, Mike Radley. I love you as well, and Tinker, and Kisa, and--"

Mike chuckled. "Stick to just the people in this room," he said. "Save the rest for when you have a moment with them. Never forget to tell people you love them while they're here. You should know better than anyone that life can be fleeting, and it's better to share our feelings so there are no regrets."

The Grim Reaper nodded, then stood and sipped his tea. He watched the children sleep as Mike slowly drank half of his tea, and then stood to go to the office. Now that he'd had a moment, there was someone else who needed him.

Beth was busy hugging Zel, who quickly moved to Mike upon his arrival. He held her close and rubbed the small of her back, but didn't dare suggest that everything would be okay. It simply wouldn't. When he looked at Beth, the woman nodded sadly. She had told her everything.

He let Zel grieve for a few minutes, then squeezed her tight. "What do you need from me?" he asked. "What can I do?"

"Nothing," she whispered. "This is just so hard."

"It'll always be hard," he said. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to stop it."

Zel shook her head and stepped back from him. "You can't be everywhere, Mike," she said. "And you can't carry the weight of every disaster that befalls us. You have too many people counting on you, it would simply be too much."

"I have plenty of people to help me," he said, looking pointedly at Beth. "Amazing people, really. Together we will all help your tribe rebuild. I already have some ideas on how we can start."

Zel laughed, which came out as a snort due to all the tears. "I'm sure you do," she said, then pulled a handkerchief from her vest to dab at her eyes. Mike gently took the cloth from her and performed the deed himself, then stood on his tiptoes and tilted her head down to lay a kiss on each eyelid.

"We can't ever make it better," he said. "But we will make it right."

"I know." The two of them held hands for a moment, then Zel let out a sigh.

"It's getting late," she said. "I need sleep. I haven't slept for days." Zel looked at him with such sadness in her eyes that he felt like it would break him. "Can Callisto stay here with you?"

"Of course," he said, unsure why this made her so sad. "And I'll be here first thing in the morning when he wakes up."

"Good," she replied, clearly hesitant to leave. Zel stepped forward and kissed him hard, touching his cheek before thanking Beth and stepping out. Mike watched her go with concern, then turned his attention to Beth.

"Counselor," he said.

"Caretaker." She stuck a hand in her pocket and pulled out the silver coin to flip it in the air. The light of the room sparkled off of the silver coin as it spun, then was caught in her palm, tail side up. "You don't pay me enough."

"I don't." Mike smiled and held out his hand. "You're overdue for a raise."

Beth gave him a knowing look, her eyes glancing briefly at his crotch. "I certainly hope so," she said. "And I'd collect my bonus package now, but I believe you have somebody to share some good news with." She waved her hand toward the bookshelf where a familiar red book lay on its side, a golden triangle on its spine. "It looks like the Library is officially off of lockdown. You should go see her."

Mike nodded and moved toward the bookshelf, ready to shift the book toward the edge where a similar triangle waited.

"Do you think being the King of the Fae will come with any perks?" Beth asked.

Mike paused, his hand hovering over the book. "Honestly? If it means things will calm the fuck down, then I hope so."

He heard her laugh disappear as he pushed the book into place, and he was instantly transported to the Library. He turned around and walked toward the information desk, smiling at the sight of Tink and Kisa arguing with each other. The two of them were busy playing a videogame on an old CRT TV, both of them huddled over their controllers and mashing buttons like crazy. Neither of them saw him walk up, but Kisa's ears folded back in his direction, her focus solely on the television screen.

Mike examined the mound of trash and food wrappers that were stacked all along the counter. It seemed like the rats had given up cleaning after the goblin, and he couldn't blame them. Stacks of books nearby had been used to build structures, and he counted no less than six empty cheese wheel wrappers. For some reason, a top hat sat on the corner of the desk all by itself.

"Are you eating for two or are you just a pig?" he asked.

Tink spun in place and leapt in his direction, failing to make the jump by at least three feet. She huffed and puffed, both hands on her stomach as he knelt down and swept her up in his arms.

"Husband home!" she cried. "Now can take care of Tink!"

"Yeah. We're gonna take care of Tink," he said, then pulled back and put a hand on her stomach. "And the booger."

Her eyes went wide at the implications of his words. "Really?" she asked, her voice barely a squeak.

"Really." He kissed her, then stood and smiled at Kisa. "But seriously, guys, this place is a mess."

Kisa let out a sigh. "Yeah. I was waiting for her to go to sleep so I could help clean the place up. We learned that if she sits in her own mess, she won't make more of a mess. It's like there's a limit to the chaos she surrounds herself with."

"Not chaos limit," Tink said. "Waddle limit." To emphasize her point, she picked up a wrapper and threw it. The trash landed well within the limits of the pile around the desk. "No walk, unless have to pee."

"I'm surprised you didn't just pee in a trash can," Mike noted.

Kisa scowled. "She did. That's why we don't have one anymore."

Tink cackled quietly to herself and Mike laughed. His brilliant, smart, disgusting goblin of a wife was going to make it, and so would their child. He hugged both Tink and Kisa tight against his chest, lifting them into the air. Tink bit his shoulder and let out a growl of happiness.

After he set them down, he looked at the top hat. "So what's this about?" he asked, then picked it up to try it on.

"Nooooo!" Kisa cried as the air filled with an absolutely mind-wrecking stench. Mike coughed and gagged, waving the hat to disperse the smell, all while Tink cackled madly. The goblin made a sudden face and grabbed at her crotch, then speed waddled toward the nearest bathroom.

It was good to be home.

🏠🏠🏠

When Sofia stepped onto the marble tile of the Library's lobby through a portal in Avalon, she took a moment to allow her gaze to wander up those impossible columns, towering hundreds of feet into the air to support an awe-inspiring roof. Floating platforms covered in rats and books zipped through the air, the Library itself more like a beehive of literature than the solemn, silent tomb it had once been.

For the first time in hundreds of years, it didn't feel like home. She smiled sadly at the idea that she had already said goodbye to this place in her heart, yet she would be forced to remain until a suitable replacement could be found. It was a marriage where the love had faded, but a sense of duty remained.

A pretty young woman with dark skin sat at the main lobby desk. She was busy having a rat huddle and discussing some sort of organizational strategy involving book distribution. Curious, Sofia moved closer.

"We can actually plan for changes in book distribution based on current fads," she said. "For example, there's an entire sub-genre of hockey player romance novels that is blowing up the market right now. This is niche enough that we can predict a massive shift in placement on the sports romance column, so we should have eyes in the stacks identifying...identifying..." Her eyes had slid past the rats to stare at Sofia. "Oh. Hi."

"Hello." Sofia put a hand on her hip. "Don't let me interrupt."

"I...think they get the gist." The woman shooed away the rats and stuck her hand out. "You must be Sofia. I'm Aurora."

"Hello, Aurora. Why are you here?"

"Long story," she replied. "If you're looking for Eulalie, she's...out."

"Out?" Sofia's eyebrow raised. "She's just...out?"

"Yeah." Aurora knelt down and picked something up from behind the counter. "Helping someone, it's a whole mess. Anyway, here." The woman set the Head Librarian's staff on the counter. "This is yours."

"It is." Sofia twisted a finger and the staff slid off the counter and hopped toward her until it rested comfortably in her hand. "Where is Tink? I half expected to see her here tearing up the place."

"Mike came for her last night. Said something about a cure for something, but I didn't ask, because I'm not family. She and Kisa drug him off shortly after, and that was hours ago. This is the quietest it's been since I've come here and I don't dare disturb it by looking for any of them. I don't ask questions, I enjoy working here."

"You do?" Sofia almost laughed. "I was unaware we were hiring."

Aurora gave the cyclops a stern look. "I saw the shape this place was in," she said. "You should have been looking for people a long time ago. The rats have to work far too hard for things that are easy for a person."

A rat walking by the desk and wearing a child's bib as a cape lifted its nose in disdain and huffed at her.

"Gee, I'm sorry that I offended you," Aurora said sarcastically. "By the way, how fast can you put books away on the top shelf again?"

The rat chittered and made an extremely rude hand sign at Aurora. The woman picked up a paperweight and threw it at the rat, who took off.

"That's...uh...don't do that," said Sofia.

"Oh, it's fine. That's a game we play." The moment she said this, Aurora tilted her head to one side as a marble shot past where her face had been. She snapped her fingers and the paperweight shot back into the palm of her hand. A sigil had been carved into the bottom of it, which glowed briefly before she set it down.

"A...game." Sofia chuckled and leaned on the desk. "Well, since we're hiring, I have a few people I'd like you to meet." She turned away from Aurora to reveal the small train of humans who had walked in behind her, their eyes wide as they stared up at the Library. Where Sofia had experienced dull familiarity, this group was having their minds blown.

"Did you steal them from a renaissance festival?" asked Aurora.

"You are a snarky one," Sofia muttered. "Avalon, actually. Generations of family kept as vampyr food. These ones sounded interested in what I do, so I brought them here with me instead of taking them to the volcano."

"Volcano?"

Sofia waved dismissively. "Another long story, maybe I'll tell you after it's done. Anyways, while I was trapped in the world's shittiest buffet, I had the same thoughts you did about hiring people. So let's get started." She cleared her throat to get the others' attention.

The villagers ran up to the desk. The two men bowed awkwardly, while the woman tried to curtsy and tripped a little.

"Aurora, I'd like you to meet Paige, Reed, and Booker."

Aurora narrowed her eyes. "You're pulling my leg."

Sofia dropped her voice. "I honestly wish I was," she whispered, then raised her voice for the others. "Anyway, these three are interested in working here. I would love it if you could arrange living spaces and assign them some simple tasks with the idea that they will take on more responsibility eventually."

"So...you don't mind that I've sort of taken over?" Aurora smirked so hard that Sofia debated throwing the paperweight at her.

"Hardly." Sofia smiled instead, thinking about the benefits of honey versus vinegar. "It's about time I started delegating tasks. I intend to step back from my primary duties with the hopes of a successor stepping up to take my place. Maybe that person could be you, someday."

"Hell, no." Aurora shook her head. "I like being in charge, but not responsible. I'm middle-management material."

Sofia frowned. "You don't want to run the magical Library of Thoth?"

"Nope. But I am happy to onboard new employees." Aurora smiled at the villagers who had come with the cyclops. "If you'll come with me, I'll get you settled into your quarters."

Paige, Reed, and Booker muttered quietly to each other as Aurora stepped around the counter. Sofia held her staff out to briefly block Aurora.

"Assume they know nothing beyond what an 18th century peasant would," she explained.

"Understood," said Aurora with a wink. "I'll teach them about hot showers, first. They'll love it."

Sofia watched the humans leave and chuckled quietly to herself. She moved behind the desk and sat in the same chair Aurora had, then looked back at the portal to Avalon.

The rats running the portal network were already chewing in reverse, the stones sealing up as Avalon became dimly visible behind a shrinking hole. Sofia couldn't help but smile as Avalon shrank down to a pinprick and then popped like a bubble.

She pulled a pad of paper out of the desk and set it down. Seeing a rat nearby, she waved it over.

"Can you see that my room is clean?" she asked. "Also, if there are any wine bottles stashed away, please remove those as well."

The rat gave her a small salute and left. Sofia looked at the paper and picked up a magical quill. Along the top of the paper, she wroteGoalsand then made a small bullet every few lines. She spent a couple of minutes really thinking about what she wanted, then smiled to herself as she wrote her thoughts down.

Find and train a replacement

Give more tasks to employees, human or otherwise

Spend a full day once a week outside the Library

Get to know Grace and Callisto better

She stared at the last bullet point she had made, unsure what should go there to round things out. After another minute of inner debate, she grinned to herself and finished her list.