Home for Horny Monsters

In and Out

Up on the third floor, Mike contemplated the large set of double doors in front of him. The wall where the wardrobe used to be had been replaced with a slightly wider hallway that terminated after a few yards at a large pair of metal doors with a series of gears built into them.

He tested the handle, but the door didn't budge. Symbols were emblazoned across both doors with shapes that seemed astronomical in nature—he recognized the symbol for the moon and the sun, and the planet Mars, but that was it.

"Well?" He looked at Tink. "What's supposed to be behind here?"

"Wrong room." She looked at the gears, then slid her goggles on. "Old room just bedroom with bed that smell like farts. Tink not sure why special door."

"It looks like a combination lock," Dana added, pointing to the five large gears. Each gear had a slightly different hue to it and a central handle. "See how these turn? The symbols change and then line up in the middle of these windows here." She pointed to a column of openings in the middle of the double doors.

"The goggles should be able to figure it out, right?" Mike looked at Tink, who was now scowling at the door. "Tink?"

"Goggles say turn dials, but no tell Tink correct password." She moved closer to the door to inspect it, then put her hands on a piece of metal and gave it a slight pull. "Pull lever when correct, but..."

"But what?"

"Tink don't know. Goggles say pull lever any time." She shrugged. "That how door works."

"Yeah, I'm suspicious." Dana examined the gears of the door with a mixture of curiosity and excitement. "There's a series of tumblers behind the gears. I can see them in a couple of places."

"Tink see, too!" She had shoved her face against the door, turning her face sideways to see behind the mechanism of the door. "Tumblers move rods, unlock door."

"So, what, do we just have to get the combination right?" Mike grabbed the lever and gave it a pull. The door emitted a series of clicks, but failed to open when he pulled the handle.

"It would seem that way." Dana knocked on the door a few times and put her ear against it. "Can you turn one of the gears for me?"

"Yeah, sure." Mike grabbed the one closest to him and gave it a slow turn. The thick teeth of the gear clicked as a series of symbols moved through circular openings in the middle of the door. There were seven windows, and the symbols were changing in only two of them. He watched the symbols cycle through, and he looked at Dana, waiting for further instructions. They had yet to repeat, and he noticed that one of the symbols changed three times faster than the other.

"Oh, wow." Dana said, then pulled her head off the door and gave one of the other gears a turn, causing Mike's gear to lock up. Two other windows rotated their symbols, but one of them went through five symbols by the time the other went through two. "This is so cool!"

"Glad you like it." Mike grinned and gave the third gear a twist, then frowned. The third gear controlled a new window and one of the previous ones. "Oh, that's a nasty trick. How is that even possible?"

"Do it again." Dana put her ear to the door, and Mike alternated turning the two gears. "There's a slight delay, but I can hear something shift in there."

"How does that help us?" he asked.

"It doesn't, really. Sounds like there's a mechanism in there for changing from one window to the next. Would love to take this apart and see how it works." She turned the remaining gears. Each gear controlled two windows, meaning that three of the windows were controlled by two different gears. The ratios were different for each gear as well, and he was having trouble figuring out which ones did what.

"Is this something we could brute force?" he wondered aloud, looking at the column of symbols.

"Probably, but it would be a giant pain in the ass. That top window has twenty symbols alone."

"Have you figured out what they mean?"

"Nope. I did astronomy as an elective in college, but..." She scrunched up her face. "I can't remember most of it. It's kind of like a dream I forgot the details of. I do recognize most of these symbols as astronomical, but some of the others I aren't familiar." She pointed at one that looked similar to the number three. "Here's an example. It could mean third planet, maybe?"

Mike had always liked puzzles growing up. They had been a fun escape for him, and he found the intricacies of the door fascinating. What he didn't like was having a door in his house that had been locked down with God knew what behind it. The outer edges of the door had similar symbols to what he had seen so far, but he couldn't make any sense of them. He knocked on the door. "Hey, stargate! Anyone there willing to slip a hint under the door?"

All of them waited quietly for several seconds.

"Well, figured it was worth a try. Maybe we could just try and get in through the window?"

"I guess." Dana looked disappointed. "Might be a pain in the ass to get in and out with a ladder."

"Yeah, probably. Still, wouldn't hurt to at least take a shot at opening it, right?" He looked at the symbols again and took out his phone. "The door and the symbols look old, so let's do some educated guesses. Seven windows, right? Let's see." He dug through the internet until he found a reference chart for astronomy. "Let's do the sun for window one, then go through until we reach Saturn. Can't hurt to try."

"Ooh, Tink help!" The goblin snatched his phone from him, her eyes going back and forth to the door. "Goggles tell Tink how to put this in!"

"Well, that should save us some time." He and Dana watched as Tink alternated spinning the large gears, the symbols slowly lining up. It took her a couple of minutes to do, and she stepped back when finished.

"Let's see..." He pointed at the top window. "So there's the Sun. Mercury, Venus, Earth..."

"Mars, Jupiter, Saturn!" Tink jumped to tap the last symbol with a claw. "Tink know order, now know symbols."

"Great job," he told her, ruffling her hair and tweaking one of her horns.

"Tell Tink great job later," she said, pinching his ass before standing back.

He chuckled, then grabbed the lever on the door and pulled. This time, the clunking behind the door continued for several seconds, and a sound like a piston being compressed was followed by the sound of inner gears.

"Guess that puzzle wasn't too—" An icy chill spread through his body as a series of interlocking blades that had been hidden in the door's design opened like a flower, revealing a glowing, yellow gemstone that hummed like a dynamo that was spinning up.

Tink was just close enough that he could grab her by the hair, and he pulled her to the ground just before the gemstone discharged. A wave of force bounced the two of them down the hall, and Dana, standing in front of the door, was blown through the wall. Plaster and dust fell like snow all along the hallway, causing Mike and Tink to cough.

The aperture on the door slammed shut, the thin lines of the metal vanishing into the surface. Mike stood, then helped Tink to her feet.

"You okay?" he asked, brushing dust out of her hair. The goggles had gone askew on her forehead, and she removed them entirely before using the hem of her skirt to wipe the dirt out of her eyes.

"Tink okay." She grinned up at him, then licked her lips. "Husband pull Tink hair anytime."

"I'll add it to your kink list. Dana?" He turned his attention to the hole in the wall. On the other side was Yuki's bedroom, and on her way through, Dana had broken through one of the studs, eventually crashing into a set of easels set up along the opposite wall. "Hey, are you okay?"

All he got was a muffled response, so he opened up Yuki's door and stepped inside.

"Sorry, Yuki," he muttered out loud, on the off chance she would turn the corner and see him. He had promised her on the day that she had moved in that he would never trespass on her private space, but he felt like she would understand.

Her room was full of paint, brushes, and several easels with art in various stages. An image of a beautiful tree dropping blossoms caught his attention, but he shook his head and moved around Yuki's bed to where Dana had landed. She had pulled the bed's comforter off on her way down, and was wrapped up inside of it.

"Dana?" he crouched down and gave her a shake.

"Mmmf," she replied.

"You okay?" He pulled some of the blankets off of her, then recoiled in horror.

Dana's head was at an unnatural angle, a large lump in the side of her neck. Her arms were still twisted up in the blanket, but he could tell that something was wrong with her shoulder.

She let out a raspy sigh that sounded more like a cough. "Apparently my neck is broken," she said, her voice like a scratched record.

"I... I see that. Um... do you think I should take you to... Zel?"

Dana stared at him for a couple of seconds, her grey eyes flat and lifeless. "Oh, sorry. I tried to shake my head no. If we can get me... situated, I should be fixable without her help."

"Yeah, let's... uh..." He tenderly moved the blanket off of her side, then tried to shift her by dragging the fabric.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Trying to move you without hurting... oh." He grabbed the blanket and dragged her into the middle of the room and unwrapped her.

"Dead girl broken bad." Tink's features were scrunched up in disgust. "Husband fix?"

"Of course." He grabbed Dana's shoulders and lifted, then placed himself under her torso and stood. She was now hanging over his shoulder, butt first. "Tink, do you think you could try and get that hole patched? Yuki's more likely to forgive us if she at least has her wall back."

"Tink try." She slipped the goggles over her face and moved to examine the hole. "Whole house broken today. Husband make Tink work too hard."

"Sorry, Tink." He felt bad, leaving her with the mess, but Dana needed him first. He carried her down the hall to his room and put her down on the bed. Laid flat, he could see that one shoulder hung much lower than the other, and one of her feet was twisted the wrong way.

"How should I start?" he asked.

"Once everything is lined up, I'll heal." A weird gurgling noise came from her mouth. "Ugh, I can't swallow."

He looked at her and shivered. She couldn't see him from her current position, but he was looking at the weird knob in her throat. By all rights, if he had been caught in the door's blast, then the same thing could have happened to him.

"Let's start with your foot?" It was more a question than a statement, and he waited for a response.

"Whatever gets me fixed, but..." She wheezed. "Just start soon, okay?"

"Okay." He grabbed her foot and pushed her pant leg up. It looked like a bone in her shin had popped up, so he gave it a tentative push. "So, just shove it back?"

"You can try. I've had this break before. It seems that my injuries cause weak points sometimes. Twist my foot around and then push on the raised part."

He felt nauseous, but tensed his jaw and did what she said. Her skin was cool to the touch, and he almost got sick when he felt how springy the bone was when he pushed on it.

"You gonna play with it, or put it back?"

"Sorry." He pushed on it a couple times, then climbed onto the bed and held her foot in place with his knees, then used his body weight and both hands to shove the bone back into place.

He felt a shifting beneath her skin as the bone mended, and when he lifted his hands, the bone stayed down. "Is that better?"

"No idea. My neck is broken, remember?"

"Oh. Right." He moved toward her shoulder, then grimaced. Maybe he should have taken her to Zel, or someone with any sort of medical experience, because he was freaking out a little. "How about the shoulder?"

"Dead girls don't swell up. If you can rotate it around, all you have to do is pop it back in." She coughed, then let out another wheeze. "It won't hurt me, so get creative."

"Once more unto the breach, I guess." He grabbed her shoulder and wiggled it around, trying to picture it as something other than a human arm. He gave the arm a push where he thought it should go, and felt the bone inside scrape against the socket.

"You seriously don't feel that?"

"Even if I could, it would just be uncomfortable. Like, the pressure would be there, but no pain."

"Okay, well then let's get it over with." He straddled her torso and picked up her arm and leaned into her. This took several minutes of trial and error, but eventually he felt something give and her arm popped back into its socket.

"Oh, yeah, just like that," Dana groaned.

"Excuse me?"

"Dead girl humor. It's a thing Lily does." She turned her eyes toward him, so he leaned into view so she could see him better.

"Ah, yes. Lily. She makes life interesting."

"She makes death interesting, too."

"Glad to know you didn't break your sense of humor when you went through that wall." To be honest, he wasn't even sure he had heard her crack a joke before.

"It's deadpan humor." One side of her lips twitched into a brief smile.

"Was that... a zombie joke?"

"It's either laugh or scream. I'm lying on your bed with a broken neck, trying not to freak out a little, so if you don't mind?"

"Right, sorry." He got off the bed and positioned himself over her head. "So what do I do here?"

"What's it look like?"

"Well, your head is crooked, and—"

"No, tell me what it looks like."

"Oh. There's a lump in your neck where it's crooked, so... I wonder if I just need to push your head back on top of it?"

"Won't hurt to try."

He knelt by the bed and slid his hands under her scalp. Her hair was completely gray now, just like her eyes. "I'm going to pull, okay?"

"Pull straight toward you. You're fighting all those muscles in there right now, don't be afraid to get rough with it."

"But... what if..." the image of Dana's head somehow separating from her body was ludicrous, but he couldn't help himself.

"Then Sulyvahn and I can start a club, or something. Maybe even a goth band. He's already got the outfit for it."

He laughed. "I keep forgetting that guy is out there. I've had too much on my mind recently. Have you met him? What do you think?"

"Not much to think about, really."

He braced his feet against the frame of the bed and pulled. Dana slid toward him, and he swore to himself. He sat down and raised his feet, placing them on her shoulders.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Bracing myself." He pushed with his feet and held tight to her jaw. Her skull slid along the bones of her spine, and the crackling noise alone turned his stomach.

"Oh, I hate how that sounds," she said.

"That makes both of us." He relaxed for a second and then tensed up again, hooking his fingers around her skull. He took a deep breath and yanked as hard as he could, trying to ignore the popping sounds and sensations.

There was a loud crack, and Dana let out another groan. Her head now seemed to be properly seated, and the lump was finally gone.

"Just like that, right?" Mike asked.

"It's like popping your elbow, times a million. All that buildup, and then a moment of..." She blinked a few times, then looked towards Mike. "Um... I still can't move."

"Oh shit, let me feel." He worked his fingers along her spine. Though he had no idea what he was doing, he figured he would notice something really off. Already, he was thinking of the best way to get Dana to the centaurs. He really should have taken her there first instead of trying to deal with the issue himself, but he had wanted to be helpful.

At least he couldn't kill his patient by accident.

"I don't feel anything weird. Your neck feels normal." He stood up and leaned over her, then frowned. "I think I might know the problem."

"Well?" Though she looked at him, her eyes were completely unfocused. Her skin was now an unhealthy shade of gray, and her face had sunken in just a little.

"You look dead. Like, no joking or anything, but you look bad."

"Shit." She frowned, which looked like a quirky smile from where he stood. "I fucked up my leg earlier. I can only regenerate so much without..."

"Say no more." He made a dash down through the house to the kitchen, and removed one of her few remaining shot glasses of spunk. He went back to his room and pulled the lid off. "Let's see if this does the trick."

The moment he had uncorked the glass, Dana's nostrils flared and she opened her mouth wide, making him think of a baby bird waiting for its meal. He poured the fluid down her throat and watched her swallow it.

Seconds later, she inhaled sharply through her nose, and he heard a couple of pops throughout her body.

"What was that?" he asked.

"My ribs, apparently." She looked at him. "I can sort of feel my body now, but I still can't move."

"Should I get some more... food for you?"

"Uh..." She was breathing hard now, indecision on her face. "I think I'll need something stronger, actually. And soon."

"Here, we can have Naia help."

"No, wait." The faraway look in her eyes had turned to something else, and he recognized it for what it was. Hunger. "I mean... it's a little bit weird, but we can both be adults about it, right?"

"Yes, of course. If you're sure." He knew how she felt about sex with a man, and had done everything in his power to keep her from feeling like she had to. The last thing he wanted was to be resented. After all, it was partially his fault she was a zombie to begin with, and knowing that she had to do this to remain alive and sane often filled him with guilt.

"Oh, I'm sure. Absolutely sure." A bit of a spark had returned to her eyes, and she was licking her lips. "Like, if you don't do something soon, I'm going to freak out."

"Okay, yeah, I get it." He started to unbuckle his pants, then frowned. "So... you can't really move."

"You're stating the obvious."

"But then how... like should I just..."

"Just rub one out, okay?" Her voice was strained. "Blow your load on my face. Really. Less talking, more jerking."

"Uh, yeah." He pulled his cock out of his pants and Dana inhaled sharply, staring at it like a starving orphan at Thanksgiving dinner. He stroked himself a few times, and his cock hardened in his hand, now standing at full attention. When he looked down at Dana, drool was now running along her cheeks, and he swayed his cock from side to side.

Her eyes followed, her entire focus on his thick shaft. Seeing how enthralled she was with his meaty member gave him a rush, and he used his other hand to tug down on his balls, preparing himself for the task at hand.

His magic woke up now, humming through his veins with nowhere to go. It crawled along his chest and belly first, then ran across his thighs before rolling up his spine and repeating the process. The sensation was both pleasurable and a bit distracting.

Dana made a noise similar to a whimper, and he saw that her attention was caught by a single bead of precum that had spilled over the top of his cock and clung to the ridge of his glans.

He moved closer, his cock hovering just over her mouth. Should he flick it and try to get it in her mouth? Saliva was running down her cheeks now, so he moved his cock closer to her mouth with the intention of pushing the drop in with his finger.

Her tongue flicked out and caught it, and his magic briefly shifted in her direction while they were in contact.

"Oh, fuck, I hate how much I love it." She smacked her lips and looked up at him. "More, I need more."

"I'm working on it." Seeing her naturally cool demeanor vanish was unsettling, but this version of her seemed easy to please. He stroked faster, letting the magic flow through his groin and up his back, willing it to expedite the process.

A clear glob formed on the head of his cock, and he lowered it for her to lick again. This time, he held it in place long enough for her to lick it free, then use her tongue to explore his urethra and clean out any extra. When he pulled his cock away, she let out a whimper, so he put it back where she could reach it.